Thursday, May 16, 2013

Paid Vacation Shouldn't Be This Miserable

So my job ended earlier than expected. For reasons that everyone reassures me are completely ridiculous, I was asked to leave my job about a month early. It's paid leave, so we're fine for a while. It's just the ridiculousness surrounding the situation that cause the emotional pain I'm going through. Even more frustrating, I would like to ensure I get the money that is coming so I can't smear the name of the district and administration who made this decision. All I'll say for now is this: Small ponds are dangerous when the few big fish are piranhas.

Ultimately it'll be a blessing rather than a curse, especially considering how toxic that place was (seriously, in the last few months I've had three anxiety attacks due to that place). It's just getting over my ego and figuring out the next step. Right now I'm so burnt out by all the ridiculousness I've experienced in my teaching career that I'm thinking I need a break from it. Never say never again, but I think a boring 9-5 where I'm a mere cog in the machine sounds strangely nice for a while. Maybe it'll even have some job stability! That'll be a novel change from the last 5 years.

All I know is that right now I need to take care of myself, and surround myself with love and comfort. Luckily, I have a lot of wonderful people in my life who are horrified by this situation and want nothing but the best for me and to help me. Also, some of them will need help during the day for the next few weeks, and I'm actually happy to be available to help them (and could use the distraction). Seriously, though, I have been incredibly fortunate that friends and family have offered me condolences and comfort, and The Hubs is a superhero - as soon as he found out what happened, he was able to get out of work (he made up the time later) to come pack up my classroom because "I don't want you to have to come back to this place," and he has been incredibly concerned and comforting in the days since.

For now, I want to find my smile again and try and find some joy in just hanging out around the house again. I want to recognize the blessings that are in my life and stop focusing on the negative. I want to remove the poison working there put in my brain. I want to work towards building the life The Hubs and I want but we were waiting for my career to get stable. I'm tired of waiting for my career to work out so the rest can fall into place, it's time to let go of my dream job and move on.

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