Monday, September 19, 2011

30 Before 30: Fear of Failure - or of succeeding?

I'm noticing that some things scare the crap out of me. Beyond the obvious, like bugs and spiders, falling down, and disembodied voices.

I think I fear failure. I'm not the biggest risk-taker, and I usually had no problem with it, but two recent situations have popped up that have made me question what the heck is going on with me.

First, I had a job interview for a position that is related to the education field, but is more on the business end of it. The job would require me to do things that I haven't done before. Nothing that violates my personal safety or anything, they'd just challenge me to do something that I haven't tried before. I did my best in the interview, but I could feel my stomach getting a little uneasy as the interviewer described some of the job responsibilities. I haven't heard anything yet, but I'm wondering what I'll do if they offer me the job... it has the potential to be an amazing opportunity, but I could also fail miserably and be fired. (Yup, I'm an all-or-nothing type of person, haha.)

The second is similar to the first, but on a smaller scale. Tomorrow I have an audition to be a host of trivia nights. I LOOOVE trivia, and I have a theater background (despite how out of practice I am at it ;p), and when I'm in a classroom, I have a way of maintaining attention and being entertaining. My friends think I'm funny! ;D I am SO NERVOUS about it. It's not like it'd be a job that pays all our bills or anything; it'd just be a fun way to earn some cash, and I think I'd be good at it, but I have no idea how I'm going to do this. All weekend I've been debating just not showing up. =/

However, I'm resolving myself right now to deal with both of these situations the same way: Go in, try my best, and if I get an offer, TAKE IT! I can't be mad at myself if it doesn't work out if I tried my absolute best, right? *Of course, I need to remind myself of this when I don't get the job at regular job interviews...*

So I don't know where this came from. I guess I tend to stay in a safe zone, in that I don't really attempt things unless I'm fairly sure I'll have a modicum of success. I know that's how I treated dating, haha - I only pursued guys seriously if I was, like, 75% sure they were into me, haha. Other than that, I guess I don't really rock the boat.

Maybe it's time to start rocking the boat a little more. I have been trying to LIVE more than merely exist this year, as I realized how stuck in a rut I was earlier on, and I guess this putting myself at risk of failure is the next step. It's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out, as long as I tried my best, right?


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