Wednesday, September 28, 2011

30 before 30: Alien speak

Maybe it's girlish naivete, but I really thought that after 8+ years together as romantic partners, The Hubs and I understood each other.

Lately, though, it feels as if we're citizens of Babel, for all the sense we make to each other.

Ok, that sounds way more dramatic than I mean it to sound. 95% of the time, we understand each other just fine. Our arguments are rare, and often we need only make a well-timed sound or even a particular face for the other to burst into gales of laughter.

But I'm noticing more frequently that there are these incidents where we talk to each other, and we just don't seem to comprehend what the other is saying. Luckily, these occur more with seemingly simple tasks than deep, life-changing discussions, but that almost seems to make us MORE frustrated in the end.

For example, we were re-arranging our furniture and the electronics that reside on some of this furniture. To make the cords less obvious/in the way, I told The Hubs to move the electronic "under the table" it was on, so that the cord would follow it. He moved it in front of the table. SERIOUSLY. I tried to explain it again, and he did it "wrong" (at least in my opinion) again. This carried on for some time, endlessly frustrating us because he kept insisting I was telling him wrong, yet wouldn't let me get up and show him what I meant ('cuz he's a Taurus and STUBBORN AS S***). finally I got up, stomped over, and did it the way I intended.

"Well, why didn't you SAY that?"

It's a miracle we're still married, swear to Dog.

Now, it didn't end in a big fight or anything, but it DID result in a "I don't know why you don't understand what I'm saying" from both of us. To each of us, it's just SO CLEAR, but the other is left staring blankly. It's frustrating! Esp. considering we really thought we knew each other, and now we've stumbled on this out of NOWHERE issue. Not a major issue, though, just... WEIRD. It's been 8+ years! You'd think he'd speak the language by now - AND VICE VERSA! I'm just as guilty here.

I didn't really think about it until tonight we had another "alien talk" situation, and it was more serious this time. Not going to go into details (just 'cuz everyone shares everything on the internet doesn't mean I have to), and it's resolved now, but I did ask him, "I thought you'd know how to talk to me by now!" The Hubs replied that he did, BUT he isn't always sure what kind of reaction he'd get with me when I'm unemployed - it becomes a bit... dangerous, in his opinion. Actually, I think the direct quote was "emotional minefield", and he's not wrong. =/ So I acknowledged the truth of his statement, but then pointed out to him that he also knows my moods and how I react to stuff, so I suggested a way I thought might work to nicely get his point across if when there's a next time.

So what do I learn from this? That The Hubs is an idiot, of course! (KIDDING.) I guess we're both changing again, or something, as people are wont to do over 8 years, and we have to re-learn how to talk to the adult version of ourselves when we're used to talking to the 20-something versions of ourselves. (Ok, The Hubs is still a 20-something for another year and a half, but I mean like YOUNG 20-something versions of ourselves - we've been together since I was 21 and he was just shy of 20.) You'd think being together so long would make things easier over time, not harder! SHEESH.

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