Confession time: I like to update 3 times a week minimum, but lately my inspiration has only given me two ideas at the most, and then goes back to sleep. PFFT. Maybe if I build a shrine or something, my muse will work a little harder. So when I'm at a loss for what to talk about, I resort to myself and what's going on in my life! Y'know, 'cuz I'm SO fascinating.
So the biggest thing that's going on in my life right now is unfortunately my looming unemployment. Well, technically I've been unemployed since January, when my last position informed me they were letting my contract expire, but I still had to finish the school year, obviously. I'm currently 0 for 6 on the interview front, and the school year starts very soon, so I'm having to start with the Plan B.
Plan B is to sign up as a substitute for the local school district while looking for full-time working doing anything else that pays decently. Substitute work isn't too bad; it varies from class to class, obviously, but I did it the first "off" year of this stupid on/off pattern and it isn't enough to live on but it usually brings in decent money, as I usually get about 2-3 days of work per week. (Plus I know a few teachers at different schools and they will hopefully pimp me out if they pity me enough ;p) As for the full-time work, I'll take any desk job I can find to get something consistent, and hopefully figure out how to get into editing in some way and maybe try freelancing on the side. As I'm decluttering, I'll also be selling craft supplies (and maybe even some original craft projects) on Etsy to bring in some extra cash.
It just sucks to have to go to Plan B because I really love being a teacher. I thought it was what I was meant to do. I feel like I should take this constant on/off pattern, though, as a sign that this isn't my field. Despite students improving under my tutelage, making strong relationships, getting good feedback from parents and strong administrative observations, schools don't want to keep me or hire me. Apparently Thailand loves American teachers, but The Hubs says that's a bit too much of a commute (plus the humidity would probably kill me ;p), so it's either move on or keep chasing a futile dream. The chase keeps delaying our dreams, and it would be nice to have some stability for a while. (Granted, finding a new job in a new field doesn't necessarily guarantee stability, either, but there's a better shot that it will compared to my teaching career up to this point.)
My heart hurts, and I can't see why life has worked out in this manner yet. I can only hope that I can learn a little patience and wait for things to work out as they should. I don't necessarily believe in fate, but I believe things work out the way they're supposed to work out. I just don't understand why my not having a teaching career is how it's supposed to work out, and the resentment is hard to just shrug off. Maybe when things are stable, I can talk this out with a professional and make my peace with it. I'm trying to wear my big girl panties, but they are quite snug lately.
Let's look at the bright side, though: I have a wonderful husband who is loving and supportive, good friends and family members, and we can afford our basic needs with a little belt-tightening. We're not destitute even if I don't get subbing work right away because we were good little squirrels and stored some nuts away over the last year just in case, and The Hubs' job is secure for the foreseeable future. Life could be a lot worse, and unfortunately I'm just having a hard time seeing it that way because I'm focusing on the one fairly large negative in life right now.