How's Working Motherhood Going, You Ask?

EXHAUSTING. In the best way possible.

 I love being a mother. I love being her mother. She's the best, most beautiful, sweetest, smartest baby girl born to me EVER. (Yes, she's my first child.) Considering the road I took to get to this point, writing this is even more sweet.

One of the things preventing me from posting was that I suffered from postpartum depression. Because I don't really want to go into it, as this is a public blog and I still want to maintain SOME semblance of privacy for professional reasons, just suffice it to say that it got bad and took some time to get better. I still have bad days, but they're not nearly as bad as they were. Like, 10% of the previous level of bad, which I will GLADLY deal with to never feel like that again and to be so in love with my little girl finally. I loved her even during the PPD, but there was fear and anxiety mixed with it which confused me and hurt me.

That said, I've been receiving treatment to get better and I'm doing much better. I've been back at work for a while, and I feel like I'm almost back to my strongest when it comes to teaching, which feels great. I'm trying to find the balance, but I'm not going to lie... it's HARD. And I'm nowhere near finding it! And in sacrifice of doing my jobs of both teacher and mother, I've been neglecting my physical health. (Better that than my recently-threatened mental health, but still.) I could list all the terrible things I've been doing, but instead I'll list what unhealthy things I haven't been doing to make myself feel better:

• heroin!
• crack!
• any drugs that aren't prescribed for me!
• abusing prescribed drugs!
• forgoing any chance for sleep!
• drinking alcohol! (well, abusing alcohol - I've had maybe 1 drink a month since giving birth)
• walking around nuclear plants!
• texting while driving!
• pouring sugar directly into my mouth! (Not yet, anyway.)

 So see? I'm not THAT bad... right?

Oy, I know. It's finally getting to the point where it's not only the spirit that's willing, I'm tired of feeling gross. Plus my clothes are getting tight, and I can't afford new ones right now, so I gotta knock that crap off! Plus I have a little girl who's going to watch what I put in my mouth and want to run around being a little kid, so I need to be a good role model and be able to keep up with her.

That said, BABY STEPS.

Here's what I want to do ultimately: Eat clean food that consists of protein, vegetables, and good carbs; exercise regularly doing things I enjoy; cut out the junk food - both fast food and processed; cut out SUGAR.

For now, I'm focusing on drinking more water than soda, adding in more vegetables, and starting to incorporate exercise slowly. I want to get in some sort of cardio for 15 minutes a day. Yes, that's not a lot, but I'm THAT out of shape. (For now I'm going to play "Just Dance" on Xbox 360 Kinect - it's fun AND it makes me sweat! I might also do some beginner yoga videos on YouTube.)  I also want to do my back stretches; I have a lot of back pain that's lasted for at LEAST a month, and I need to get rid of it. Obviously, losing weight would help, but when I focus on weight loss I tend to fail quicker. Focusing on building healthy habits keeps me sane while also having the nice side effect of losing a little weight.

Yeah, this totally detracted from talking about my beautiful girl and motherhood. What can I say, I need to be a good, healthy person, and that will help me be a good mother ultimately. Besides, this would be even MORE boring if all I did was talk about how beautiful and perfect my child is - which no one will believe because all parents are biased when, in fact, my child IS the most beautiful and perfect 6-month-old ever. ;D

Wish me luck in my health pursuits! I've got a lot of unhealthy demons to blast.

What's Happening Lately - 8 Months Overdue Edition

SO. Long time no post! I doubt anyone's reading this at this point (and why would you? I never update!), but what the hell, let's catch up.

• I put on my first play! It was a middle school play, and it was terrible, but I learned from it and I'm still proud of myself for getting it on. I'm putting on another play this spring, and I'm about as prepared now as I was for the last one, but I will start working on it next month. Right now I'm a little busy. 
• Despite my terrible debut, I was hired back at my job! This is my first time returning to a teaching position, and I couldn't have been more thrilled. I really love the student population and my coworkers, so I was so excited to be asked back, and I worked my butt off for a fair amount of the summer to prepare for the school year. I'm so excited to be a contributor to making my school the best program it can be. To the point where my current big life change makes me feel a little guilty that I can't devote myself to contributing as much as I want to (but they're totally accepting and understanding of it at my school, which makes me want to do as much as I can with what time I can devote there)! At the moment, though, I'm not at work and I won't be back until December. Why? Well...
• I kind of hinted in my last entry at some news I wanted to share but couldn't share? Well, I can finally share it!
  
  
  
  
  
  And I'm 8 months overdue on it! Not only was I pregnant, but I gave birth! Yeah, I'm WAY behind. I wrote my last entry when I was just 6 weeks, and we hadn't gone to the doctor yet to get the official "Yup, you're knocked up" confirmation yet. But I'd taken 3 pregnancy tests and they'd all come out positive, so it was looking fairly good. Luckily, it stuck and our beautiful baby girl was born just on the brink of the Libra astrology time frame. As silly as it sounds, I love that she was born a Libra, as I am a Libra as well and I think Libras are awesome.
  
  I wish I'd posted while pregnant, but there wasn't much to post and I was just so tired I usually slept when I had a free moment. I was lucky in that most of the pregnancy was easy until the last few months. I had gestational diabetes, which required insulin injections (ow) and twice weekly non-stress tests (ugh), but that was about as hard as it got. Not saying I want to jump right into the next pregnancy, but I'm hoping if we are lucky enough to have a second one (planned or happy accident) that it will be similarly easy.
  
  The Hubs and I love being parents so far, as exhausting as it is. She's the cutest baby ever, of course, because she's our baby and we're totally biased, but she gets lots of compliments from strangers so we're feeling pretty good that it's not just our bias blinding us and that she is, in fact, adorable. So far she's a good baby, too. She's a good sleeper and a good eater, and when she's fussy it's usually easily resolved. Babies are fairly simple - they're either hungry, wet, gassy, or lonely. The only problem is figuring out which one is the issue in order to stop the crying. ;) Whichever scientist creates a legitimate baby translator will win the Nobel Prize that year, I swear.
• Speaking of Libras, tomorrow is my 33rd birthday! I usually live for my birthday, but I'm too braindead and tired from the little angel pictured above to really give a crap at the moment. The Hubs has promised to pick up dinner from wherever I want for dinner, and I think I'll treat myself to a long shower and an attempt at shaving my legs. I haven't shaved them since I was at least 8 months pregnant, because it hurt to bend over. I could braid my leg hair at this point. Otherwise, eh. I'm too tired to care, and leaving the house with a newborn is just too daunting a task right now. I know we need to leave the house eventually for reasons other than her pediatric appointments, but I'm still not quite ready. Luckily, most people are willing to come to us, which I greatly appreciate. 

So yes, I've gone from a Hot Mess Housewife to a Hot Mess Momma! We'll see how it goes, but I will post cute stories when I have a moment. No guarantees! But I want those who've been through it to have the opportunity to laugh at my naivety, of course. 

What's Happening Lately

This'll be quick, because I have lesson planning to do if I want to go have fun at the super bowl party we're going to today. :)

• Life has been crazy. End of the semester/transition to the new semester is always hectic because of grades being due, classes changing, etc. I have a crazy amount of work, and it's my own dumb fault for wanting to prep certain classes differently, so I'm really giving myself more work than I need to. But, you know, I want to teach my students the best I can, so it's a Catch-22. Still, things should be calming down work-wise... until I get the next big project that should arrive any day now. If I can get ahead of grading and planning a little bit, though, life will be easier. 
• I have been taking full advantage of my weekends, though. Teacher guilt makes me want to be in the classroom, though, haha. Luckily, my tiredness wins out and I force myself to rest (aside from lesson planning, which I actually enjoy because I'm a weirdo).
• Still house-(rental)hunting. The few we've attempted to rent had already been snatched up, but here's hoping we will find one soon. We need the space, and soon! Not that I'm looking forward to all the packing and lifting, but it'll be worth it when we find the right place for us. 
• Do you ever have huge news, but you have to sit on it because it's not 100% confirmed yet? We're in that situation right now. I hope it gets confirmed, and that we can share it sooner rather than later. Please keep your fingers crossed/say prayers for us/do a rain dance/whatever for us!

More when I have time. Duty calls!

What's Happening Lately: Goal Progress and Baby-Steps Back to Blogging

Let's bullet-point this b****.

• Goal progress is slow, but there IS progress! I haven't been regulating my internet time as much as I should, but I HAVE been closing it down and finding something else to do, like reading or crocheting! I do need to start timing myself, though. I've managed to cook from home twice last week, too! Pre-cooking meat really helped. I'm planning on pre-cooking meat again today since I have today off for MLK, Jr. day, just taco meat and crumbled Italian sausage. I've been craving tostadas, so I'm definitely planning on having that tonight! :) I also might actually have the ingredients for a small roast tonight, too, in the slow-cooker... gonna look into that as soon as this is posted! (I use this recipe, and it is AMAZING. The carrots especially absorb the delicious broth, yuuuuum!)
• One of my bestest friends is pregnant with her first child! (It's ok, she Facebook-announced it, so I'm clear to acknowledge it now ;D) I'm throwing her one of many baby showers - she's very loved. It's so fun clicking for ideas on Pinterest - I'm thinking the theme will be "little gentlemen", as she posted a very cute picture of her sonogram with a top-hat and bowtie added, which inspired me. :) Bowties and mustaches for the little man who's coming into their family! Of course there will be a post about it eventually. The shower is planned for mid-April!
• It is not looking like I will have my job come next school year. On the plus side, it's because the woman who had to take time off this year is healthy enough to come back! On the minus side, I really love it there and I am hardcore bumming about it. :( I have yet to feel so welcome, supported, and like I really fit in at a school before, and I wish there was a way to keep me there. At least I'll get really great letters of recommendation. 
• We're in the process of rental house-hunting! We checked out 4 places this weekend - the first two were great, the second pair weren't quite right for us. We'll be checking out more options this week to go for another round, as the company we'd be renting through for the 1st 2 properties we like takes applications on a 1st-come 1st served basis. Best to have a few more choices in case we didn't get our applications in soon enough. (There were a lot of lookers at both places, so it's very possible we didn't get our applications in first.) It's exciting and stressful at the same time, but I'm proud of ourselves that we're at the point in our adult lives where we can move forward in this manner; we've worked very hard to get to this point. Plus think of all the awesome home decorating I'll get to do now! AND THE SPACE OH MY GOSH WE ARE SO READY TO GET OUT OF THIS 1-BEDROOM APARTMENT. (We're looking at 3-bedroom houses - planning in advance in case we are lucky enough to be blessed with children while living there, and in the meantime I get a craft room, whooooo!)
• Daisy got a furcut! It cracks me up, when we take her to PetsMart for grooming, it is almost guaranteed that she will come back to us with bows in her hair if she gets a female groomer working on her. I'm not complaining! It's the only time I could get away with bows in her fur, The Hubs hates that kind of thing. (This one didn't last very long, unfortunately.)

This week is the start of our second semester, which means wrapping up grades from last semester! So my week will be filled with grading like a madwoman, and starting a whole new class - Drama! It'll be my first year teaching a drama class (Don't worry, I have a degree in theater) AND my first time directing a school play! So excited! (I'm taking the easy way out and using a Broadway Jr. show, it's kind of designed to be directed by anyone regardless of theater background.) Despite my imminent unemployment (again), I'm feeling fairly positive. I had a breakdown on Friday, but The Hubs really worked on making me see that it's not the end of the world, even if it feels like it is. Can't guarantee that I'll stay so positive as the end of year nears, but right now I'm feeling ok. The world tends to work out as it should. Maybe I was here for this year only to help out the school while they were missing a vital cog in their machine, and I served that purpose and now it's time to move on to a school that needs me even more! (Here's hoping, anyway. :D)

Have a good week!

The First Week of School 2.0

It is amazing how little time it takes to completely lose one's stamina when the daily routine goes on vacation.

We just had our first week back to school, and it felt as if it was the first week of school all over again! My body wasn't used to all the work after two weeks off, and I couldn't sleep well because I had so much stuff to catch up on/do which is of course the thing I needed most was sleep.

Unfortunately, next week looks just as nutty, but my body seems to be re-adapting again. I failed to mention in last week's posts that I'm additionally hindered right now with a calf muscle strain that requires me to baby it, not exert myself too much (which as a teacher is kind of impossible), and wear a walking boot for support - which slows me down and DRIVES ME NUTS, UGH. My uninjured leg is suffering from the additional work it has to do, too. Needless to say, today was mostly resting it, but with the fun of babysitting our adorable goddaughter Emily with The Hubs. Luckily, for being just over 1 year old, she's remarkably easy to watch! We didn't have to chase her too much, and she was a breeze - all giggles and smiles!

In regards to the mini-goals for Jan.-March I posted about, I was better about my internet time, but cooking dinner at home pretty much didn't happen thanks to how hectic last week was. I was honestly not home earlier than 6pm any day last week! This week should be better, though, and I am planning on going grocery shopping Sunday, and pre-prepping my meals as much as I can after the grocery store so all I have to do is (hopefully) heat it in the oven, or mix the ingredients for 5 minutes before throwing it in the oven/saucepan. (Also, because I'm not busy enough, I'm also making a meal to take to a coworker who's out for health issues right now - but it's a recipe that I can easily double and make one for us at the same time!)

What am I making, you ask?

Spinach Tortellini Soup - it's delicious! I'm going to add turkey Italian sausage "meatballs" (where I squeezed the sausage filling out of the casing and rolled them into balls).

Enchilada casserole (This is the one I'm making two of - one for me, one for the coworker)

Chicken Broccoli casserole to serve over brown rice

Baked pork chops with Stove Top stuffing and veggies (this one I won't prep ahead, 'cuz pork chops don't take that long).

I plan to prep ahead by making the enchilada casserole ahead, then cooking the proteins ahead of time (except the pork chops). I only did four meals because Fridays are usually nights we eat out anyway - I'm just trying to make it the ONLY night we eat out this week. Fingers crossed!

2014: Goals for the Year, January-March

While I am nowhere near an expert at making goals, I have learned from teaching students how to set academic goals that they have to be reasonable, they have to be measurable, and they have to be ACCOMPLISH-ABLE. If you set a goal beyond the time frame available, then you're setting yourself up to fail. (For example, there's no way I could lose 50 lbs in 3 months, at least not without doing it in a very unhealthy manner.)

I also think setting goals for an entire year is a bit too much; stuff happens, and we can't always control what happens to us, just how we react to it. So it makes more sense to set a goal for a few months, and then re-assess at that point. If it's going well, keep going; if it's not working, try to figure out what the problem is and figure out a fix. So my 2014 goals will be for the overall year, with measurable steps along the way.

So what do I want out of 2014?

To be happy,

and

To be healthy.

So how do you measure happiness in a way to achieve a goal? By taking steps to fix the things that make me unhappy.

So as to not overwhelm myself, I have two mini-goals to help me achieve the two overarching goals of 2014, one for each.

Happiness: Break my internet habit. (Don't think I don't see the irony in blogging about this.) Seriously, though, when I come home, I zone out with my computer and iPhone. Some people use the TV, I use the internet. So much time is wasted where I could be doing something much more fulfilling, like crafting, or reading, or stuff around the house that needs to get done. I mean, we're hoping to move in the next 2 months, so I'll need to use at least a couple of evenings for packing, for example. Not to mention I just feel like I'm wasting my life away on the internet when I could be doing something more interesting or personally fulfilling.

So how will I stay off my favorite time-killer? 

• Make plans on the weekends. Can't be on the computer if I'm out of the house. Luckily, I usually have plans on the weekend, so this won't be that much of a stretch. I'll just need to find ways to get out of the house during the day, esp. if The Hubs isn't interested in joining me. 
• I want to stay off the internet at least 3 nights a week for now. Mondays and Fridays will be long days at work due to tutoring after school, so I think it's only fair to decompress with my internet crutch on those days, but I'll aim to stay off the internet Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I'll give myself an hour on a timer after dinner, and once that timer goes off, the computer is shut down. 
• Of course, as we are house-hunting (renting, not buying) at the moment, I might have to go on if The Hubs needs me to check something out related to that. 
• No using the internet on the phone if I've shut the computer down for the night. Leave my wifi off. NOTHING is so important that it can't wait until tomorrow. 
• Playing games on my phone doesn't count as "more fulfilling activities". I can play on the phone a little before bed as long as it's not internet and it doesn't keep me up later than I need to be. (If it does, then it'll get limited. To be fair, though, I do read books on my iPhone.)

Health: Only eat out 4 times a week (including weekends). We have gotten into a NASTY take-out addiction. Part of it is my fault; my main household chore is cooking, and I haven't been doing it. Part of the problem was that I injured my calf, which has required me to be off of my feet for most of November, but it was a problem before that (which we blamed my coaching schedule for). The point is that I was working myself overtime, and using it as an excuse to not cook at home. Which means bad food, more money than we need to spend, and actually more time and effort than if I'd just cooked at home half the time. Seriously. We also tend to not cook on the weekends, which meant we were eating out a LOT. We're both tired of it, we're both frustrated that it wastes money, and honestly most convenient fast food doesn't taste that great. And since I'm the main cook, guess whose responsibility it is to fix this problem? That's right, THIS GAL.

So how will I ensure this happens?

• When I'm cooking the current dinner, take out the meat from the freezer for the next meal and put it in the fridge. I tend to use this as an excuse for not cooking, because if I forgot (or "forgot") to defrost the meat, and I'm tired when I get home, then I don't want to wait for the meat to defrost in order to eat, right? GUESS I SHOULD ORDER OUT. So no more, darn it! Take out the food for tomorrow while cooking this evening's meal. Simple!
• Get back to meal planning. It's not even that hard, and I have about a GAZILLION recipes saved to Pinterest - I even have an Excel spreadsheet AND a Google calendar set up for meal planning! So not only do I need to meal plan, but when I'm picking out the food from the freezer to defrost, I'll choose which meal to cook from the plan. 
• Buy a frozen meal or two for "emergencies" (like something comes up that keeps me late, or I just am TOO DANG TIRED). Even buying a pre-made frozen meal is still cheaper than buying a fast-food meal. 

Fairly simple and attainable, and I've still left myself some squidge room to help me transition to these better behaviors. I feel confident going into these because they're not totally overwhelming, they feel manageable, and they're measurable. Even if I end up buying 5 meals out one week, but we've been doing better before then, I'll still feel successful.

I can't guarantee that I'll update regularly with my success, but I'll try. Baby steps into blogging regularly. ;D

What's Happening Lately: Back to School Edition

So as I mentioned before, I've been away due to achieving the (for a while there) seemingly impossible in the form of a teaching position for the 2013-2014 school year. So far, it's been good! Hectic, exhausting, and stressful as all get out, but good. I'm enjoying where I work, and as frantic and overwhelming as it can be, I love what I do! While I always have a few knuckleheads (its the nature of the beast), so far I'm getting lots of good feedback from admins, fellow teachers, and even the students, who seem to like me and our lessons! :) (I'm teaching 7th grade English and an art elective - so far, so fun!) The stress is mostly caused from spreading myself a leetle thin at the moment because I'm a volleyball addict as well, so I took on the volleyball coach position for our school on very short notice, and now I'm getting ready for volleyball at the last minute while still catching up from being hired just before the school year started! GENIUS. Oh, did I mention progress reports are due this week? *sigh* One of these years I'll catch up.

Regardless, I'm not QUITE ready to resume blog duties, as I still come home most nights around 6pm. So, yeah. Blogging is important to me, but not as important as my actual life and its needs. I'm still finding my housewifery groove - the last few weeks AND weekends have left little time for recuperation, and this was the first weekend where I actually RELAXED. (Unfortunately, the relaxation was kind of ruined by other personal stuff - nothing major, and it'll get dealt with, it just helped me realize how stressed I've been and how poorly I've been dealing with it.)

My goal is to work on entries when I have time, pre-post them, and when I have a decent backlog of non-"What's Happening Lately"-style ones to supplement my "current events" posts, I'll post them! I look forward to sharing my own tips and tricks that I've had to develop as part of my survival and make my day-to-day life easier. Once I'm back on track, I'll let you know! I'm giving myself until October 1st, which I think is very reasonable AND allows me some motivation to plan some fun Autumn-related stuff. It's on the brink of my favorite holiday season, after all - HalloThanksXmas! ;D

See you in October!

What Works For Me: Healthy Changes

As I've mentioned before, I have health issues that I'm treating. One of the best ways to treat these issues is eating healthy and exercise - you know, the two things that were, like, ZERO fun for me. ;)

I'm a firm believer that people only change when they're ready, regardless of how necessary those changes may be. I notice when I'm open to the change, and I try to seize the moment. As such, I've been slowly working my way towards eating better and exercise over the last year... VERY slowly on the exercise front. Now things are starting to come together, and I'm starting to feel really great about my progress!

Don't worry, this is NOT turning into a health-based blog. (There are way better ones out there!) It's been my focus of late, though, so I needed to "blog it out". All these changes don't make me an expert, but I like to share what works for me because it might work for someone else, too! Here are the unofficial "rules" I live by which are helping me succeed at the moment:

• Start small, and find compromises when you can! This was the best advice I've read, and I wish I'd saved the blog where I found it! Specifically, the advice was to just focus on giving up something you know is bad for you for now, and as you become accustomed, try giving up another bad thing. It was easy to switch my chemical-laden coffee creamer to all-natural half-and-half (as the entry suggested), but I knew diet soda was going to be harder and I'd have to find a happy medium. My endocrinologist says stevia is ok for my dietary needs - so I've switched to Zevia-brand soda, which is the only one I've found made with stevia. I make sure to have no more than 2 a day, usually as a "treat" with my lunch and dinner. It keeps me sane, it's better for me, and I've noticed that it doesn't dehydrate me as much as other artificial sweeteners did!  
• Make the end goal reasonable. A specific measurable goal that's reasonable is good: right now my goal is to lose 5% of my body weight overall. The number on the scale is just a measurement tool, though, and it doesn't decide my overall success, especially considering my PCOS makes weight loss veeeeeery slow-going, so I don't want to make the scale my main measurement. My overall goal in this is to improve my overall health; if I only lose 2 pounds, but my endocrinologist sees an overall improvement in my numbers, I'm going to feel successful! Losing 5% of my current weight might make a marginal change in my appearance, but it will improve my overall health a LOT.
• Find the easiest way to do it. Veggies was the hardest thing to add to my diet when it hasn't been a regular part of it. So I found the easiest ways to incorporate them! Aside from the recipes I linked, I buy a big box of mixed greens and spinach for easy salads, and frozen broccoli or cauliflower that I steam in the microwave for a quick dinner side (I'll dress them with a sprinkle of salt and garlic powder). Those are veggies that I like and don't feel annoyed to eat, and that take mere minutes to prepare. I eat a big salad typically with lunch, and then veggies with dinner (If I'm feeling esp. sassy, I'll have a salad AND frozen veg with dinner!) Do the same with your health bugaboo - find the easiest way to incorporate or address it. 
• Give in to a craving - within reason. You've probably seen this before, but it's really true; if you are legitimately craving something to the point of distraction, give in and get it out of your system. BUT do it in moderation! Here are my rules for myself when it comes to cravings: I have to have thought about it for at least 3 days in a row, I don't substitute it with something that won't quell the craving, and I have to buy the smallest 1 serving amount of it that I can (and that's ALL I buy).  I love nacho cheese Doritos, but I know I can eat a whole bag in one sitting - so I keep them out of the house. If a craving hits, I'll buy the smallest 1 serving bag I can find, and I'll enjoy it. It gets the craving out of my system, I don't feel like I've deprived myself, and there's no more in the house because I only bought the 1 serving.
• When eating out, pick one indulgence.  The point of eating out, in my opinion, is to indulge. When you're trying to eat better, though, eating out often is NOT going to help. So I'm trying to eat better when I do eat out by sacrificing something or including something I might not normally. If it's a burger place, I will usually get the burger I want and sacrifice the fries for veggies instead. Yes, I'm still eating a not-great food, but I'm only eating one "naughty" element as opposed to an entire "naughty" meal, and I'm also getting my veggies in with it and the tastes that made me want to eat out in the first place.
• Don't beat yourself up over a bad day. This is the hardest truth, but it's the most important one. We're human and we're going to make mistakes. I am extremely susceptible to the "Well, I screwed up, might as well just give up entirely" attitude. So far, I've managed to get over myself and just start fresh with the next meal. For example, I'd been craving beef broccoli with fried rice from my fave local Chinese place for a week, so I indulged the other day. It was waaaay too much food, and I felt STUFFED and regretted a little. BUT I recognized that it got the craving out of my system, and I had a very reasonable dinner to make up for it. I moved on from my mistake instead of drowning in it.
• Figure out what works for YOU - you may have to switch it up until you find your best method! These are all tips that work for me: gradual small changes that add up to good health. Some people, though, can just completely turn a 180 from old habits and thrive! If that works for you, then keep on keepin' on! When something's not working, try something else. My eating changes are all manageable for me, and I can feel the change (and see it - my clothes are a little loose and friends are asking if I've lost weight). This first week of incorporating exercise is working well for me because I know what works for me and my attitudes, and I also know to not push myself, lest I hurt myself and have to stop, which will make me lose momentum; I figure as long as I break a sweat and am slightly out of breath by the end, I did my job for now. As it gets easier, I'll push myself harder. Consider your habits and your natural inclinations, and work with them, not against them.

For Foodie Friday, I'll share my eating and exercising changes, along with my favorite healthy meal ideas; this entry's long enough! Come back Wednesday for another helpful idea in making healthy habits stick!

Follow me on Twitter or Instagram to keep me accountable! I figure if I'm going to talk the talk, I better walk the walk, so I'll be posting picture collages of my meals for the day and logging my exercise! I won't spam your feeds, most likely 1-3 posts a day at the most.

What's Happening Lately

Confession time: I like to update 3 times a week minimum, but lately my inspiration has only given me two ideas at the most, and then goes back to sleep. PFFT. Maybe if I build a shrine or something, my muse will work a little harder. So when I'm at a loss for what to talk about, I resort to myself and what's going on in my life! Y'know, 'cuz I'm SO fascinating.

So the biggest thing that's going on in my life right now is unfortunately my looming unemployment. Well, technically I've been unemployed since January, when my last position informed me they were letting my contract expire, but I still had to finish the school year, obviously. I'm currently 0 for 6 on the interview front, and the school year starts very soon, so I'm having to start with the Plan B.

What's Happening Lately

Anotha update about me! I know, BORING, but it's my blog and I'll blather if I want to.

• For those of you who were concerned after Daisy's gastrointestinal fireworks on the 4th of July, she's been fine ever since. I'm starting to suspect she does it on purpose so she can get a few days of the "bland diet" that we put her on to help her tummy calm down. (It's boiled ground turkey and white rice, but she eats it like it's filet mignon - you can't even see her face, it's buried so deep in her food bowl!) 
• I'm in the midst of a healthy-eating shift... nothing insane, just recognizing that certain foods make me feel like crud and not wanting to feel like crud anymore. I mean, duh, right? It feels like a drug addiction sometimes, though - slightly hyperbolic to say, I'll admit, but bad-for-you foods activate the same pleasure centers that drugs do. How am I eating healthy? So far I've managed to cut out refined flours, refined sugars, artificial sweeteners, alcohol... you know, everything FUN. ;) I'm at, I'd say, an 85-90% success rate. For example, I had a burger yesterday for lunch, and they didn't have a whole-wheat option, so I forgoed the chips that came with and got a side salad instead. Today's lunch was a sandwich that also comes with a free cookie; I had one half of the sandwich, and the damn cookie because I can't resist a chocolate chip cookie, which is why I avoid them! ;D I'm also easing myself off the artificial sweeteners and diet soda - I had two diet sodas yesterday, which is probably the most I've had all week. I'm much better about drinking water now, and it makes me feel better too! I still drink one diet soda a day, but it's Zevia All Natural Soda. My endocrinologist said stevia is totally ok, so I use it in my iced coffee, and I'm allowing myself a Zevia a day. It helps ease the withdrawal symptoms. Overall, though, while I do miss my breads and baked goods, I feel a LOT better and have more energy. It's like the two are related or something...
  
  
  All right, all right, I'll stop. :p
• Ok, one more thing: Apparently if you eat protein before you eat fruit, the fructose in the fruit takes longer to digest and your blood sugars don't spike so fast. So I cut myself a small slice of a fancier cheese (this week is havarti with dill), grab a handful of pistachios, and piece of fruit. It feels like I'm having a wine tasting-style snack, just minus the wine! I loooove it, yum!
• I spent my week catching up on some of my favorite comic authors. I like superhero comics, but it's such a lot of history to catch up on and I'm only REALLY into a few of them - I'm mostly a Marvel girl. ;D (I had a friend that was a huge comics geek, and he helped me keep up, but then we grew apart and I had to find my own way.) I tend to prefer the non-superhero comics more; my favorite is Fables, which is basically the story of what if all of the fairy-tale characters were real and living in our world. If you haven't read it, or don't consider yourself to be a comics person normally, then I HIGHLY recommend you give Fables a try. (If you don't want to spend the money, check your local library! That's how I caught up this week!) I also checked out Saga, Vol. 1 by Brian K. Vaughan, who also wrote Y: The Last Man(which is amazing and another one to check out if you aren't a "comic nerd"); I liked it and I'm willing to check out the next one. COMICS! HUGE NERD! My secret's out. 
• The plan this week is to get off my big butt. I say that every week, but this time it's a mission and not merely wishful thinking. ;) I have some fun ideas to try out and a birthday to prepare for, plus a very exciting (I hope) appointment this week (not job-related, it's a different kind of excitement ;D), so I'm actually feeling good about getting out and having fun this week! Whoooo! 

What's Happening Lately

• Still no job yet, but I've had at least an interview/second interview every week so far, which is kind of nice and ego-boosting. Lots of good feedback, but it'd be nice to be first place instead of second/third soon. 
• My daily goal is to avoid going outside unless absolutely necessary as of late. Mainly because HOLY BALLS IT IS HOT AROUND HERE ARGH. It's going to be over 100 degrees Fahrenheit for the next solid week, and most days will be over 105! So of course I have to leave the house several times this upcoming week (for worthwhile reasons, but STILL). 
• Our poor Daisy dog had a MAJOR tummy issue the other night - she's so well-behaved, though, that she didn't wake us to let us know that she was having tummy issues, so by the time the poor Hubs discovered it with his foot, it was cold and sunken into the carpet. :( She has NEVER had an accident like that before - it was pure liquid, poor baby. We put her on the recommended recovery plan from Pet WebMD (yes, that site exists!), and we're hoping it was a weird fluke; she's been fine ever since! Maybe she snuck something when we weren't looking (but we're usually pretty vigilant). Either way, she actually LIKES the bland diet, so it's been awesome for her! ;D Please keep your fingers crossed for us - we re-introduce her normal dog food (which is all natural and grain-free) tomorrow. (Don't worry about the carpet - we're getting free carpet cleaning from our apartment very soon for unrelated reasons, now we'll get our money's worth! hahaha)
  

  

  Our adorable Little Sh**.

• I've been avoiding flour and sugar this week (if I have it at all, it's in very small amounts or it's fruit), and the carbs I do have are in small amounts as well; it's amazing how different it's made me feel, in a good way! When I indulged in a bite of The Hubs' bagel the other day, the sugar high was so sudden that it knocked me out (i.e., I fell asleep - but this was combined with also being dehydrated from running errands in THAT DAMN HEAT)! When I woke up, I could still taste the sugar in my saliva, ugh. I don't like not eating sweets and baked goods, but I also don't like being "sugar-sick", as I call it. Small servings of potatoes and rice don't bug me (plus I tend to eat sweet potatoes and brown rice now, which usually slowly raise sugars), and reasonable amounts of fruit don't bug me, either, which is nice, so I don't have to give up EVERYTHING I like to eat at least! ;D Now I just need to figure out the exercise component... as in, finding motivation TO do it. Meh. Sweat bad, sit on lazy butt good.
• I'm also finding little to no motivation to get stuff done around the house. I have no idea how housewives do it! I'm still the stubborn 10-year-old going DON'T WANNA, but it's so not fair to The Hubs who works every day! I hate being a spoiled brat, but seriously I maybe do A chore a day, every other day at my best. It takes all of 10-30 minutes, and I even realize that AS I'M DOING THE CHORE, but the next day I'm like NOOOOOOOPE. I know this is a repetitive admission on here, but I guess I want to keep holding myself accountable to it by mentioning it. Other than Monday and Tuesday (as I'll be out of the house most of the day both days), though, I am going to make it my goal to use the chore list below (click the pic for the source), at least for the summer. Three weeks of practice makes it a habit, right? Right!

 

Here's to a good week!

Fiesta Friday: A Foster-Parent Shower of Love

About 2 years ago, our friends the J's started the process to become foster parents. For miscellaneous reasons beyond their control, it wasn't until May that they were finally finished all the requirements and were approved for foster parenting!

They don't have their own kids, but Mrs. J has worked with kids before and had some kid stuff around the house. They also bought enough basics to get any kids by in the meantime (like, you know, BEDS), but they still needed a lot of basics that most parents accrue over time - and they kind of need it, you know, ASAP.

So, our mutual friend R and I decided to shower them with love! The J's are good people and they definitely deserve to experience a "baby" shower. The only catch is the youngest kiddos they'll be housing are 4-year-olds. So we called it a "Shower of Love"!

Mrs. J requested lime green and white for the colors, so we gave her lime green and white! ;D

R handled the invitations, food, and half of the decorations; I did the centerpieces, the banner, and figured out the games and prizes. We were able to use Mrs. J's church's reception room for free, which was nice, because we needed a BIG space - lots of people love the J's!

So the biggest problem was figuring out shower games for a non-traditional shower. I wanted it to center around welcoming the J's into parenting, and not so much around baby stuff because it doesn't relate to their journey. Brainstorming with my friend V, we came up with some modified versions of baby shower games.

• The first game was a silly brain-teaser; it has clues that relate to different names of candy! The people who got the most answers correct got bags of candies that were in the game as their prize. Guests really seemed to like this game, it was challenging but not frustrating!
• Another game we played was a modified baby shower game called "Guess the Price" - except instead of baby items, I picked parenting "essentials" like chewable vitamins, shampoo, swimming wings (or "floaties" as I grew up calling them), etc. This game was a lot harder than the baby version, apparently; the highest score was one person got 2 out of the 6 right. :/ I would modify it by offering multiple choice options, maybe, or picking different items.
• Finally, we played a variation on "baby bingo", but I called it "The Joys of Parenting Bingo". I came up with a bunch of different parenting scenarios (good and bad), and called them out like bingo numbers! I asked the winners if they had any funny stories to share from their Bingo line, too; no one had any, except for Mrs. J's mom! THAT was funny, hahaha.

Speaking of the joys of parenting, we had a "wish vase" for guests to provide words of wisdom and encouragement to the new parents-to-be!

I'm proud of the prizes I came up with, too - "movie night in" baskets and a stationary basket! The stationary came from the Michael's dollar bins, and the "movie night in" are simply movie-theater-size boxes of candy, microwave popcorn, and some Redbox codes for free (to the victor) rentals!  

The "gift card" for the Redbox codes - I included all the legal info that was emailed to me when I bought the codes on the back, so those who won them knew what to do and had the links to more info.

R came up with a great idea for the centerpieces - kids toys! This way not only are they cute centerpieces but HEY MORE TOYS FOR THE J'S FUTURE FOSTER KIDS! Unfortunately, R is a real grown-up with a year-round job, so since I had the time I did the execution. I decided to theme each of them, and wrap them in gift-wrap ribbons and bows so they look like presents but are also totally obvious as to what they are. We had kid books, bubbles, water/beach toys, puzzles, games, art supplies (like coloring books and markers), and a teddy bear! The ribbons tied the gifts back to the color scheme.

1 example of the centerpieces - art supplies!

All the centerpieces! Art supplies, books, games, puzzles, bubbles, pool/beach stuff, and a teddy bear!

Finally, I made this pennant banner. AND I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN OMG. Yes, it turned out cute, but those rosettes behind the letters were the bane of my existence. Seriously, it will either have to be for The Hubs or our own future progeny to convince me to put myself through that again. I mean, the end product was cute, but SHEESH.

Yup, I made that. Next time I'm making it a month in advance or just paying someone else to do it.

Detail close-up!

We kept the food simple - cakes from Costco, lemonade, water, and fancy mixed nuts for snacking were on the tables (it was a mid-afternoon shower). Guests also got those pastel mints as party favors.

The basic table set-up

All in all, it was a successful shower and Mrs. J was so grateful - she thanked us (and the guests) repeatedly, and overall seemed to have a great time. The guests also told R and myself that they had a great time, too. All the thanks and compliments made all the stress worth it! (Seriously, if you describe yourself as etierh "a perfectionist" or "anxious", don't plan a party. SERIOUSLY. I'm lucky I'm still married because the night before I damn near went off the deep-end when I realized I screwed up the Bingo cards at 11:30pm.)

I only have my crappy phone pictures right now, but I'm hoping Mrs. J will share the good pictures her photographer friend took! I'll post the better pictures and downloads/instructions for the games next Friday hopefully.

I may have linked up at: 

Six Sisters' Stuff

What I've Learned After 6 Years of Marriage

If you know who made this/said this, tell me!

I would never DARE to claim to be a marriage expert, nor a perfect wife. Far from, in both cases. Anything I've learned about marriage has been through observation, experience, and my own mistakes. I feel, though, that we have a successful marriage so far. The Hubs and I have been friends for 12 years, romantically involved for 10.5 years, and married for 6! This is what I've learned in that time, through our own missteps and watching other long-term couples. (The Hubs didn't contribute, but I might do a follow-up with his opinions added.)

• Keep some mystery alive - in other words, pee with the door closed. I'm totally serious. IMHO, it kind of kills the sexy/romance if you've seen them do their "business". Grossness can't always be avoided (see: when one of you is sick and needs assistance), but avoiding it when you have the option makes the most sense to me.
• Have fun with each other! Being playful and flirty is part of the fun of being in a relationship - marriage or long-term commitment doesn't have to kill that fun! Be careful though with teasing; I was raised where "teasing" was quite cruel even when it was funny. My mom pointed out how mean I was to The Hubs early in our relationship, and I had to work on taking the venom out of my jokes. He likes that I can sass back, though, so we found our happy medium and rarely do the jokes lead to hurt feelings.
• Use your manners! I think when you live with someone full-time, you start to forget that they're someone who deserves basic human respect. It's not an intentional cruelty, it's just... well, you don't say "please" and "thank you" to yourself, right? So it kind of makes sense how one might stop doing it to their S.O. I don't think people realize how much it means to others when we show the basic human respect of saying "please" and "thank you". I mean, we say these things to the barista handing us our Starbucks, extend that same courtesy to your mate. 
• It's the little things that matter! The Hubs is way better at this than I am, but I'm trying to match up. He always asks if I need anything when he's already up; I'm trying to return the favor (it doesn't come as naturally to me). One of us will ask the other if they need us to stop anywhere on our way home, e.g., The Hubs will pick up my prescriptions at Wal-Mart if I need them since it's on his way home from work. Those little moments add up and bring the happy feels up when you think of your mate. 
• Make "Couple Time" a priority. I'm not saying co-dependency, I'm saying make little niches of time in your life to talk/spend time with each other. Sitting in the living room staring at the boob tube/playing on the computer doesn't count; I'm talking actual conversation. It doesn't have to be hours on end; 15-30 minutes of just catching up on your day is enough. Bonus points for cuddling or touching in some affectionate way during this time. We also "tuck into bed", which is where we cuddle in bed for a little while before one of us (or both) go to sleep. We used to do it every night, but over the years we've winnowed it down maybe 3 times a week. It really works for us, because it's just time for us to cuddle and talk/laugh/be silly. It doesn't usually even lead to sexy times, it's just something we do and it helps keep us connected. Do your own thang and be your own person, but be sure to share that awesome person with your partner at least a little bit somewhat frequently!
  

  

  The Hubs and I, seconds after we were made official - LOOK AT US WE WERE BABIES OH MY GOODNESS!

• Sex is important. Talking about sex openly is equally important. I don't have kids, so I'm not EVEN gonna TRY to suggest how to incorporate sex into life with kids (Hell, I might be desperate for that advice myself once kiddos are in the picture!). My focus is more on talking about sex with your partner, and trying to find mutual comfort zones so your needs are met. Sexual intimacy adds a lot to a relationship, and when that area isn't healthy, it can negatively affect other parts of the relationship. I'm trying to keep this PG, so without going into personal experience, these are the three most important things I feel are important for keeping your "relations" mutually satisfying:

1. Talk about what you want/want to try/don't want - but talk about it when you're not naked. Best time is when you're both relatively calm and nowhere NEAR anything sexual happening. It can be awkward, but it's important to do!
2. Be ok when your partner says "No" - and exercise that right when you need to also. It's hard because sexual rejection is, well, rejection and no one likes rejection! However, sometimes it's just not good timing for sexy times, and as long as it's not EVERY TIME you or your partner tries to put on the moves, it doesn't mean your partner's not attracted to you (or you to him/her). (If it IS every time, see #1.)
3. Sex is not dirty (unless you're doing it in mud)! It's one of the best parts of being coupled, IMHO - someone to have fun with in a very sexy way! Let go and have fun (once you've talked about what you're both comfortable with and what you want to try)! What you two do in the boudoir is YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS, and whatever you consider "normal" is normal; nothing is "weird" if you both like it!

• WALK AWAY when anger starts to turn into a fight. I have a fiesty Latina temper, while it takes The Hubs more time to get going (but once he does, watch out). We're not the best at this because sometimes the anger hits so fast we don't have that moment to take a breath and walk away, but IF you can, step away. This does NOT mean ignore the problem; it means walk away until you can discuss the problem rationally. I have literally put myself in time-out when I know my anger is irrational/unfair/ridiculous until I can calm down and talk it out without lashing out. Also, suck it up and apologize when you're the a**hole - even if you're not the only a**hole. Once you're both calm enough to talk about it, apologize for your part. 
• Also, side note: IMHO, it's not an apology if you add a "but" after it. Like, "I'm sorry what I said upset you, but you're constantly late." THAT'S NOT AN APOLOGY, that's another fight-starter. If you still can't talk without anger/hurt feelings, WALK AWAY. 
• Find at least one thing your partner is passionate about that you don't mind participating in. Most likely, you both will have at least one passion in common; something had to draw you two together (aside from raw sexual magnetism, OBVIOUSLY). However, you are not going to like everything your partner loves, and vice versa. Expecting that of them is setting both of you up for frustration and disappointment. (This is something The Hubs and I learned the hard way, and lead to some very serious and scary talks, even.) So try to find something you can enjoy with your partner - you don't have to be at the same level of enthusiasm, but don't participate in a passion that you find utterly boring, either.
  For example, The Hubs' main hobby is sports: watching, listening to radio shows, and playing. We joke that I'm a "sports widow", but he HAS compromised a lot in regards to TV viewing and his obsessions so I don't feel that "widowed". ;D My compromise in this area is that I enjoy attending sporting events with him; I'm not AS excited about basketball and I hate football, so I'm not usually present for those, but I enjoy baseball games (go SF Giants!) and through The Hubs I have become a HUGE (for me) hockey fan (SHAAAAAAARKS!).
  For a long time, this effort on my part went without balance from The Hubs. While he loves all my creative pursuits, they just aren't his thing. When I met someone (non-romantic) who actually liked a lot of the same arty/nerdy things I liked, it was a wake-up call and led to those aforementioned serious/scary talks. This has to be a mutual thing; one person can't do this while the other doesn't extend the same courtesy. The Hubs has in recent years "returned the favor", so to speak, by accompanying me to theater performances, museums, and the like (and to be fair, I try to find things I think he'll like, such as "Avenue Q" and museum exhibits he'll also find semi-interesting). I know he's not having THE BEST TIME EVARS at these things, but I know he's not usually completely bored, either, and I try not to abuse the privilege; The Hubs extends the same courtesy. 

HOLY CRAP I have a lot of opinions on relationships. It feels to me like I'm bragging or trying to pretend my marriage is perfect; it's not meant to be bragging, because The Hubs and I are human and we are fallible and make mistakes. I simply feel that The Hubs and I have weathered a fair amount of storms, and while there are some areas that we could probably still use some professional help in improving, most days we are happy with each other even when our outside circumstances are rough. The stuff listed above is a huge contributing factor to this mutual happiness and love. If someone reads these thoughts and finds something useful, then hopefully this will lead them to strengthen their own relationships just a little bit more. :)

The Hubs and I at a friend's wedding last November, looking older and wiser (and sexier, let's be honest)

*The Hubs graciously let me post pictures of us; his main concern was, "You're not going to post pictures of us doing illegal stuff or anything, right?" Well, not NOW, fun-spoiler. 

I may have linked up at: 

Six Sisters' Stuff

Tip, Tip, Tipping slowly...

So you might have read my post about working towards the tipping point (but if you didn't, I don't blame you, I'm sure my personal posts are dull to everyone but myself).

It's a very slow climb up that mountain, BUT I'm still feeling pretty good about it!

The little changes I'm making are alternating drinking water and diet soda. Diet soda is a hard mistress to break up with. She keeps luring me back with her icy dark bubbles of deliciousness. It's not even a physical addiction, I think, more of a habit and habits are hard to break. The alternating is working; I have the last cup's worth of diet soda in a 2-liter in the fridge, which I'm saving until tomorrow because I had soda at lunch and water tastes better to me. Once it's gone, I'm going to try a variation on how The Hubs quit smoking. He tried to go cold turkey, but he always kept an "emergency" cigarette with him; doing so made him REALLY question whether he wanted it or if he thought there might be a better time for it. I'll buy a can of diet soda, leave it in the fridge, and try to ignore it because it's my last one (hopefully).

I'm also trying to stop eating late at night, which is actually going decently well. I've had a couple of late-night binges, but, again, it's fighting through the addiction to the late night habit more than anything. Same with eating bad carbs versus good carbs; I bought mostly "good carbs", and I'm trying to sparingly eat the few bad ones I bought. For example, I bought breaded fish fillets for lunches this week, which are a little carb-y, but I make myself veggies to eat with them! So it's bad but not as bad.

Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps. A little movement forward at a time is my method; continuing forward motion when I take a step or two backwards is my goal.

BABY STEPS!

Pic from Darendoc.com

Working Towards the Tipping Point

I really feel I'm nearing a tipping point when it comes to my health practices, inasmuch that I feel the start towards making some changes where it comes to my health.

I'm noticing more and more that bad-for-me foods are becoming less and less appealing. Partly in taste, and partly in their residual effect on my body (i.e., I feel like crap after eating it).

I'm noticing how good real food tastes; fresh fruit is a revelation, and a cold fresh salad is highly enjoyable most days.

I'm noticing more that when I exercise in some moderation (as in, I actually break a sweat), I feel GREAT afterwards; I enjoy the muscle soreness because it feels like I actually DID something. Yet I never seem to remember this feeling enough to motivate me to work out for the sake of working out.

I'm somewhat unhappy with the fact that I've gained back some of the weight I'd lost when I took my health issues seriously; now I don't take care of myself and BAM, weight is back. I also know that I need to lose this weight to increase my chances of being given permission to "pull the goalie", and I also know that if we hit one into the goal, I will need to be VERY vigilant about what I eat and my exercise due to these health factors in order to keep the pregnancy... I've just been ignoring these things.

There are so many areas of my life that the perfectionist in me feels needs major overhauling, but there is a fair amount about myself that really isn't as bad as I make it out to be. Am I Martha Stewart? No, but let's be honest: Martha Stewart can only be "Martha Stewart" with a lot of outside help. Am I a perfect housewife? No, but I have improved by leaps and bounds in a lot of respects, and that is something to be proud of rather than bemoan that my house isn't spotless 24/7 - it is a lot less cluttered and a lot more organized, something The Hubs and I have worked very hard on as we've matured into adults. Am I a whole-food eating jock? Nope. Do I want to be? Not exactly - so why do I immediately strike myself down because I don't think I could eat nothing but fruits and vegetables and run 10 miles a day? I'm not Chris Traegar, and that's ok. I can be my own definition of healthy. What I'd really like to do is exercise at least 3 times a week, and cut out the crap. If I could eat good-for-me food that avoids processing and chemicals as much as possible, and resist the temptation of refined wheat and sugar, I feel like I would feel a lot better about myself. And if I really look around at what I have available to me to eat, it's really not that difficult. I just need to make it happen.

It takes three weeks to build a habit. Maybe I can start building little habits one at a time; small changes add up, right?

But I've had these thoughts before, and it's only ever worked out temporarily. What makes me think it'll be different this time?

Maybe it feels different this time because I'm tired of being the same. Maybe it's changing intrinsically. Maybe, just maybe, I'm starting that slow climb up the hill to the tipping point.

Getting Out of the House: Week 2

So I did manage to get out of the house every day last week, although I didn't do any of the fun things I suggested in my last post. I also managed to apply for one job, walk the dog 3 times on "the loop", and I made dinner most nights! Oh, and I did at least one chore on three different days.

So if I were to grade myself, I'd give myself a C. *shrug* I'm normally an A student (my blood type is even A+!), but it was my first full week in this situation, so I'm not beating myself up too hard.

There are things I really want to get done (like Mount Laundry in my bedroom), so this week the goals are the same. Walk the dog every day, apply for one job every day, cook dinner every night, and do one chore a day (this week's chore: One load of laundry a day - Wash, dry, fold/put away).

How I'm getting out of the house this week:

• Helping out my friend V by watching my adorable goddaughter E
• Attend a farmer's market
• Check out the space we're using for a party my friend R and I are hosting for a mutual friend
• Prep work for Friday's appointment (I need to make copies)
• a Friday appointment that's very important (Cross your fingers for me!)

 Plenty of stuff to keep me busy and productive! Here we go!

Getting Out of the House, Week 1

So, I've been stuck in this situation before - the days of nothing while you hope a job application turns into an interview and then a job. It's the WORST, or at least it has been in the past. BUT I'm determined to not let that be the case this time.

From previous experience, I've noticed that having an appointment or something to do OUTSIDE of the house usually results in a more positive, productive day. Something about feeling like I have a reason to get off my butt is a big motivator for me. Last week I was lucky in that I had two days where I had friends who invited me to spend time with them - it helped delay the emotional regression a few days, and resulted in feeling decent on those days.

This week my plan is to get the f*** out of the house. Even if it's only for an hour, it still helps me. Maybe it's the fresh air, maybe it's the Vitamin D, maybe it's actually moving as opposed to sitting on my big butt, WHATEVER, it works. I mean, let's be honest - if I was at work, I'd be wishing I could be home doing other stuff. Now's the time to do the other stuff!

As a form of keeping myself accountable, I'm going to list my plans for the week AND I plan to update my instagram with a picture of each activity. I know no one else cares, but it matters to me. (If you want to follow me on Instagram, I'm at mantequilla81. (I don't update it often, so don't worry about being bombarded with photos of food.)

So what's on the agenda for this week?

• Buy fresh food at a local farmer's market.
• Take Daisy to a nearby park for a nice long walk.
• Walk around the Capitol lawn and building and enjoy a picnic lunch/stalk Gavin Newsom (YUM).
• Errand-running, 'cuz they can't all be fun. I have enough that I can split it between two days. :) One will be mall-based, one will be grocery/house needs based.

These won't be the ONLY things I do all day; as I mentioned last week, I have a daily checklist I aim to hit, and getting out of the house is one of the items on the checklist. :) I plan to attack the daily chore via a method from Unf*** Your Habitat (love that site): 20 minutes of work, 10 minute break until the chore is complete! (They call it "20/10s", or they also suggest 45/15s - it's a variation on the Pomodoro technique.)

I think it's a good start; of course, I have to figure out what else is available around here that's cheap and/or free to keep me occupied. Might be buying myself an iced coffee at Starbucks and reading for an hour, or reading magazines at the local library, etc. Gonna keep an eye out for local events too.

Anyone else have suggestions for cheap/free things to do that'll get me out of the house?

Looking on the Brighter Side

So my life at this moment is what it is, and I'm trying to find ways not to dwell. Which, admittedly, is really REALLY hard.

To get started, I'm going to set little goals for myself, little markers to hit every day and feel like I'm getting stuff done, even if it doesn't seem like that much to others. I have a tendency to sink into the mire of depression that is unemployment, and I don't want to do that yet again.

The daily checklist:

• Apply for one job a day. Revamping cover letter and everything, but take the time to really put my best application forward. One a day isn't so overwhelming and stressful. (Yes, applying for jobs right now is stressful - I'm still really raw from this recent turn of events and it's more stress-inducing than even I realized. The thought of applying for a teaching job right now hunches my shoulders and puts my stomach in knots; I'm giving myself until Monday to start this part of the daily check-off.)
• Take Miss Daisy out for a PROPER walk everyday. I've been really lazy with it, and as the primary dog walker now, she needs more exercise than I usually give her (relying on her dogwalker to do it during the week). No more 5-8 minute walks around the building - we'll do what we call "the loop".
• Get out of the apartment every day for a reason other than walking the dog. Even if it's to go to the library to read magazines, or to walk around Target and window shop, I need to get out and do SOMETHING. Being cooped up at home is no bueno para mi. Something tells me I'll be seeing a lot of $1 kid movies at the local theater this summer. ;)
• Cook dinner every night. No excuses now!
• Do at least one house chore. One a day will gradually get the place clean, right?

I know it's not much, and those of you who are super-awesome-and-responsible muthaf***in' ADULTS are probably rolling your eyes. I'll grant that the eye-roll is somewhat deserved on my end, but at the same time I'm coming out of a really messed up situation, and I have the luxury of letting myself heal a little bit at my own pace. 

Paid Vacation Shouldn't Be This Miserable

So my job ended earlier than expected. For reasons that everyone reassures me are completely ridiculous, I was asked to leave my job about a month early. It's paid leave, so we're fine for a while. It's just the ridiculousness surrounding the situation that cause the emotional pain I'm going through. Even more frustrating, I would like to ensure I get the money that is coming so I can't smear the name of the district and administration who made this decision. All I'll say for now is this: Small ponds are dangerous when the few big fish are piranhas.

Ultimately it'll be a blessing rather than a curse, especially considering how toxic that place was (seriously, in the last few months I've had three anxiety attacks due to that place). It's just getting over my ego and figuring out the next step. Right now I'm so burnt out by all the ridiculousness I've experienced in my teaching career that I'm thinking I need a break from it. Never say never again, but I think a boring 9-5 where I'm a mere cog in the machine sounds strangely nice for a while. Maybe it'll even have some job stability! That'll be a novel change from the last 5 years.

All I know is that right now I need to take care of myself, and surround myself with love and comfort. Luckily, I have a lot of wonderful people in my life who are horrified by this situation and want nothing but the best for me and to help me. Also, some of them will need help during the day for the next few weeks, and I'm actually happy to be available to help them (and could use the distraction). Seriously, though, I have been incredibly fortunate that friends and family have offered me condolences and comfort, and The Hubs is a superhero - as soon as he found out what happened, he was able to get out of work (he made up the time later) to come pack up my classroom because "I don't want you to have to come back to this place," and he has been incredibly concerned and comforting in the days since.

For now, I want to find my smile again and try and find some joy in just hanging out around the house again. I want to recognize the blessings that are in my life and stop focusing on the negative. I want to remove the poison working there put in my brain. I want to work towards building the life The Hubs and I want but we were waiting for my career to get stable. I'm tired of waiting for my career to work out so the rest can fall into place, it's time to let go of my dream job and move on.

Mars and Venus Butting Heads

So apparently this year is going to be a pattern of crappy work week ends with a bug of some sort. It's not quite bubonic plague like the last time, it feels more like a mild case of the black death. I think I'll be able to go to work on Monday, but OF COURSE it would be the weekend of The Hubs' bday.

LUCKILY, his actual PARTAY won't be until NEXT Saturday, because his BFF J was out of the country until tonight and he wanted J there. But still, I wanted this weekend to be one big celebration, and instead we've been at home all day because I'm sick.

But here's the thing: That's just fine with The Hubs. He's a homebody, it's a major sports weekend for him (Warriors in playoffs, Sharks' last season game and just recently made the playoffs, Giants are the Giants), so he bought himself some fancy brewskis and has been allowed free reign of the TV and he is a happy camper. Plus we splurged on our favorite pizza place for pizza and wings for dinner, so he is a happy, happy guy! On his actual birthday tomorrow, we're going to meet our new softball team to practice (which he's so excited about), then go to the local minor league baseball game (which is really fun - it's a nice stadium and they're a good team). The capper is a Warriors playoff game and his favorite meal for dinner - Gourmet Chicken. :)

I was worried he'd feel let down, but he's feeling anything but. We celebrate things differently; I like a big fuss, he's much more of a mellow guy. Hell, I had to convince him to have a birthday party! But I'm not allowed to decorate or make "foofy" food, and there's only one party game allowed (because it's Battleshots and we've been wanting to play it FOREVA).

So it doesn't make sense to ME, per se, but he is happy and that's all that matters. I have to confess that I was actually getting frustrated with some of his choices and requests. For example, I wanted to buy him something for his birthday, and he told me exactly what he wanted. This drives me nuts because WHERE'S THE SURPRISE IN THAT, but that's just how he is - get him what he wants, and he'll be happy. Makes perfect sense to him, but frustrates me (I'd been planning to buy him a bday message at the minor league game, but he somehow figured it out and told me he wouldn't like that; great to know, but I was pissed it ruined the surprise). Also, the softball practice threw off my other secret plan to cook him breakfast in bed due to the time of the practice, but ultimately he loves playing baseball/softball and that is what matters most. I realized that I was making his birthday more about ME and I needed to build a bridge and get the f*** over myself. I'd say I'm about 95% successful; I get his logic behind it but I still don't understand why he prefers things this way. :)

That said, the reason I wanted this bday to be so perfect is because I love him so much and he deserves the best; if this is his definition of "the best", then that just makes him even BETTER because I barely have to lift a finger!

Can you believe this adorable little stinker is 30 years old tomorrow? Crazy! He's even cuter now, believe it or not.