Monday, November 17, 2014

Mommy Guilt

I can't stop feeling guilty. 

Like right now, the baby is sleeping, and instead of doing something productive I'm typing out my feelings. 

Am I not giving her enough tummy time? Am I encouraging her growth properly or am I stifling it?

Am I watching too much TV with her in the room? (Probably.)

How can I bear to leave her alone with her dad just so I can have some time alone? Or even more evil, so I can sleep?

How can I leave my child in the care of another and go back to work? This is looming over my head right now, as my maternity leave ends in 2 weeks from today. I miss my job, but it's a demanding job that requires a lot of attention, and I resent it a little already because I'm trying to figure out how to split my time so my job duties and MY CHILD aren't neglected. And it makes me feel like a bad mother already. 

I'm just so tired of feeling guilty all the time. No one is making me feel guilty other than me, and I am my worse critic. She is healthy and (I think) happy, and she appears to feel safe and secure in my arms. I just worry about everything. She deserves the world, and I feel incapable of giving it to her. 


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