Wednesday, October 19, 2011

30 AFTER 30: I can't stop gazing at my navel...

I didn't hit the 30 before 30, but I got about halfway! Which is something! It got me posting again, if nothing else. =) Either way, I'm ok with myself. 

You guys. YOU GUYS. Seriously, my navel? Most fascinating thing in the world.

This is my sarcastic way of saying I'm going to indulge in some navel-gazin' up in this beezy. Apologies in advance if you're not interested.

What's on my mind lately:
1. I'm 30! No one died! In fact, things are fairly swell. I'm keeping busy (in ways that get me paid and in ways that don't but I'm having fun), I'm socially active, and for the most part I'm happy. For having been 30 a whole 5 days, it's off to a decent start, considering. If anything, I'm noticing that I'm not working as hard to hate on myself anymore because I'm too flippin' old and it's EXHAUSTING to expend so much energy hating myself; I'd rather be lazy and just accept that I'm awesome in some ways and not-as-awesome in other ways... but that it all averages out to fairly neat-o. =D

2. I am in LOVE with our apartment. It's finally become a home. I don't know why I waited to so long to finally decorate and "move in", so to speak - we've lived here 5 years! (YES, 5, and I've JUST decorated in the last few months!) Actually, considering how we WERE living in it 5 years ago to how we're living in it now shows a ton of growth on our part and I'm super-proud of ourselves for being such "grown-ups" about it. Truth be told, it's a great motivator to clean 'cuz we love how the place looks clean; I came home from my job interview today and did some tidy-up chores instead of hopping on the computer. I felt like such a grown-up! I'll do a post showing off all my hard decorating work soon. But, yeah, I love it and it makes me happy to come home. =D I even want to have friends over, now that I feel like it's hospitable for hosting!

3. 'Cuz I can't have EVERYTHING going well... I have something gnawing at me and I need some advice. I have no intention of this blog becoming SUPER-personal, but sometimes I want/need to talk things out in a public place. No details, no names, and I'm hoping to NOT be one-sided towards myself as much as possible if I'm asking for advice. Like I am now.

Here's the deal: as I may have mentioned in passing, I turned 30 last Friday. In my melancholy towards my birthday and the fact that a fair amount of people I love weren't coming to help me celebrate (they all had valid reasons, but it still hurt my feelings - but I knew it was all in my head and that I'm a big ol' drama queen sometimes), I hid my birthday on Facebook to see how many of my so-called "friends" would remember. To be honest, a decent amount did - I expected maybe 20 people would remember it was my actual birthday, and 15 did (the day of or the day after), so I'll take it. =)

Two people that I consider good friends, though, didn't say anything. Text, email, phone call, NOTHING. In fact, they still haven't. And I am incredibly hurt by this. I'm not expecting a gift or a card, but a simple acknowledgement on the day would have made me felt loved in return... and the fact that it's been almost a week and I still haven't received an apology stings so much more. Because I still haven't heard anything from either person, it's still eating at me.

Now, one of these people is someone that I could interact with possibly soon as there have been prior arrangements made. Previously, we had a situation come up where he unintentionally hurt my feelings, and rather than pout and make passive-aggressive/bitchy comments towards him (as is my tendency when I'm feeling hurt), I took the 5 minutes to calmly let him know what exactly had hurt my feelings and that I figured it was unintentional, but I had to get it out so I could NOT make passive-aggressive/bitchy comments towards him. He took it, he apologized, we were fine! I actually was glad I got my feelings out in a mature way and in a way that didn't immediately put my friend on the defensive. (Of course, now he's on my s***-list for the birthday thing...)

I kind of want to address it with both people in this same way, but I feel like that's rude. I don't want to bitch them out (OK, that's a TOTAL lie, I totally want to bitch them out but I WON'T), but who goes up to someone and says, "Hey, you hurt my feelings because you didn't acknowledge my birthday and I wanted to let you know you hurt me"? At the same time, the passive-aggressive bitch in me wants to ignore any contact from them to punish them, but when has that worked with ANYONE in the HISTORY of time? My suddenly cutting off contact isn't a punishment for them so much as it is for me, and they'll sit there wondering why I'm ignoring them without any explanation - or being given the chance to redeem themselves (if they even want to in the first place).

I'm fairly certain, knowing both guys (yes, they're both boys), that it's more of an oversight than it is a deliberate snub. Part of me IS afraid that it WAS deliberate and that I'M the one not getting the hint... but I'm somewhat certain that's just my own insecurities talking. Mostly certain. Kind of certain? I don't know. THIS IS SO CONFUSING.
Found this on Pinterest, don't know source, I didn't make it - but it's SO fitting.

So if YOU were in the situation (either as the offended or the offending party), what would you do? Would you want to know that you hurt the feelings of a friend if it was unintentional, as long as they told you nicely as opposed to calling you names and shouting? Or would you rather not know and let them make snippy comments at you? HELP ME!


  1. If it bugs you that much, I would prefer to know that I had offended instead of having snarky comments directed at me for something I wasn't aware of having done. What's really important though? You did celebrate, right? If I remember right, your husband planned something to surprise you -- shouldn't you be counting that blessing instead of being "snubbed" by two other dudes? Just my 2 cents.

  2. I did celebrate, and my husband did a great job of making me feel special on my birthday. The "two other dudes" are close friends, and gay, so it's not like I need the validation of two other dudes. It's that they're close friends but didn't even bother to recognize my birthday - or innocently forgot, which is why I wasn't sure if I should say anything.

    Thank you for the birthday wishes and the "$0.02". =)



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