The Hubs and I agreed earlier this week that this morning would be the morning we spent cleaning the apartment. He's one of those cleaners that he's gung-ho to just GET IT ALL DONE at once. I don't work that way; I like to break things up into sizable chunks, and if I spend too much time thinking about how much I have to do as a WHOLE, I get overwhelmed and panicky and shut down.
So I suggested a compromise: We spend this Sunday morning cleaning, but we only focus on the "back half" of the apartment, which constitutes the bathroom and bedroom; next Sunday we finish the apartment by doing the "front half" (kitchen, dining area, living room), and my "job" during the week would be to get the bedroom ready for the deep-clean by getting stuff organized for donations and throwing out crap. Now, in all fairness, this is probably the area of the apartment that needs the most cleaning, so he agreed that would be enough.
Not only did we deep-clean the bathroom area and bedroom, but we also re-arranged the furniture in the bedroom, too. First time in 5 years we've moved anything around. I don't even want to discuss how gross under the bed was... seriously, how we have survived this long without being eaten by dustbunnies is a miracle. I was so disgusted and annoyed with myself. Blech. (Granted, it takes two to tango, as well as mess up the bedroom, but I always blame myself first. I don't know why.) The bathroom was even worse, truth be told... the tub was pretty gross. I'll admit I was living in gross conditions, but I refuse to go into details or pictures. Just imagine the most disgusting shower/tub combo you've ever seen... we were probably about halfway there.
The Hubs attacked the bathroom while I attacked the bedroom, and about 4 hours later we came up for air with a much cleaner bathroom and a much less dusty bedroom. Plus we moved around furniture, and it looks much nicer.
Now all I need to do this week is to give the shower tiles one more scrubdown (we agreed that if it needs another working over, I'll give it a shot since The Hubs did so much work on it today), get a small night stand for my side of the bed (now that I'm not crammed against a wall), and DECORATE THE WALLS! Whooo! That's the fun part!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Follow-up to vanity post: OMG MY CRAZINESS WORKED
Ok, so if you read my last post, you know I was waaaay over-thinking and over-prepping for my friend T's wedding today.
Well, first things first, it was GORGEOUS. The bride was, like I thought she would be, the most beautiful girl in the room - and I don't say that just 'cuz she was the bride, or to call the other females in attendance ugly. We gave her a run for her money, but she was BEAUTIFUL. Great, intimate wedding with lots of love and warmth for the bride and groom.
Onto more important things: what people thought of ME. ;p So of the 3 former guys, neither of the actual exes showed up (THANK GOD), but I did see the friend whom we mutually benefitted. I wasn't terribly worried about his opinion (after all, I wasn't emotionally involved with him), but I don't think his reaction could've been any better...
He literally did a double-take, and kind of shook his head in shock, and said, "Wow, SAM?" Then gave me a big hug. (His girlfriend kind of gave me the "wary eye" after that, but she's a total babe and they're totally cute together so there's nothing to worry about on her end, obviously.)
Other high school peeps that were there were also happy to see me. One of them (a guy who I was never super-close to but we ran in the same circles and thought the other was cool) was unusually happy to see me - jumped up, gave me a big hug when I walked up, then sat next to me at the ceremony. We're catching up before the ceremony, and he made some jokes about being single and "looking for hot single ladies" at the wedding. Then he says (I SH** YOU NOT), "Of course, I have to go and sit next to the hot married lady." I joked that if a hot single lady arrived, I wouldn't be offended if he ditched me. He replies, "Nah, I'm good." He also kept leaning into me and nudging me while we talked... HE WAS TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH ME! (He was cute, too, which makes it even MORE validating! ;D)
OMG I AM TOTALLY A HOTTIE... when I wear a sexy halter dress (with a modest shrug to cover my shoulders), wedge heels, full makeup, and straighten my hair.
Meh, I'll take it. ;D It's nice to know that I am attractive when I put in the effort (and said effort makes me FEEL hot and sexy). T and D (both guy friends) also told me I looked pretty today, which was nice.
Of course, now I just have to not let this one day of optimum hotness go to my head. ;p I mean, it totally has, but now I have to ACT like it hasn't.
Well, first things first, it was GORGEOUS. The bride was, like I thought she would be, the most beautiful girl in the room - and I don't say that just 'cuz she was the bride, or to call the other females in attendance ugly. We gave her a run for her money, but she was BEAUTIFUL. Great, intimate wedding with lots of love and warmth for the bride and groom.
Onto more important things: what people thought of ME. ;p So of the 3 former guys, neither of the actual exes showed up (THANK GOD), but I did see the friend whom we mutually benefitted. I wasn't terribly worried about his opinion (after all, I wasn't emotionally involved with him), but I don't think his reaction could've been any better...
He literally did a double-take, and kind of shook his head in shock, and said, "Wow, SAM?" Then gave me a big hug. (His girlfriend kind of gave me the "wary eye" after that, but she's a total babe and they're totally cute together so there's nothing to worry about on her end, obviously.)
Other high school peeps that were there were also happy to see me. One of them (a guy who I was never super-close to but we ran in the same circles and thought the other was cool) was unusually happy to see me - jumped up, gave me a big hug when I walked up, then sat next to me at the ceremony. We're catching up before the ceremony, and he made some jokes about being single and "looking for hot single ladies" at the wedding. Then he says (I SH** YOU NOT), "Of course, I have to go and sit next to the hot married lady." I joked that if a hot single lady arrived, I wouldn't be offended if he ditched me. He replies, "Nah, I'm good." He also kept leaning into me and nudging me while we talked... HE WAS TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH ME! (He was cute, too, which makes it even MORE validating! ;D)
OMG I AM TOTALLY A HOTTIE... when I wear a sexy halter dress (with a modest shrug to cover my shoulders), wedge heels, full makeup, and straighten my hair.
Meh, I'll take it. ;D It's nice to know that I am attractive when I put in the effort (and said effort makes me FEEL hot and sexy). T and D (both guy friends) also told me I looked pretty today, which was nice.
Of course, now I just have to not let this one day of optimum hotness go to my head. ;p I mean, it totally has, but now I have to ACT like it hasn't.
Friday, August 26, 2011
30 before 30: The ridiculousness of vanity
Tomorrow is the wedding of a friend from high school. I'm not the bride, I'm not in the wedding, I'm simply a guest.
By the time we leave for the wedding Saturday morning, I will have done the following to prepare:
Of course, I don't HAVE to do about 95% of what I'm doing to prep for this wedding. After all, it's not MY wedding, I'm just going to watch my friend get married! So why am I going to all this trouble?
Well, let me offer a peek into the way my insane little mind works as to WHY all this effort needs to be made:
Also, some of the girliness is TOTALLY fun. I love how my toenails look when they're painted. They're this perfect shade of pink right now that will look SO CUTE with my pale-green polka dot halter dress and white wedge sandals. So, really, I'm doing all this prep work for my own swollen ego. ;D
By the time we leave for the wedding Saturday morning, I will have done the following to prepare:
- 3 different methods of hair removal on 4 different areas of the body
- painted my fingernails and toenails
- ironed my dress, and shoved myself into Spanx and a strapless bra
- Blow-dried my hair
- put on a full face of makeup
- Shaved face other than goatee
- Iron his shirt (which I'm actually doing, which is fine)
- shower, comb hair
Of course, I don't HAVE to do about 95% of what I'm doing to prep for this wedding. After all, it's not MY wedding, I'm just going to watch my friend get married! So why am I going to all this trouble?
Well, let me offer a peek into the way my insane little mind works as to WHY all this effort needs to be made:
- This particular high school friend is part of a group that includes no less than 3 gentlemen who have known me in a more than friendly way (If I wasn't a teacher, I would put that in SUCH a more ribald way, damn my public status) that are possibly also guests. 2 of those 3 are guys who I actually had feelings for. One of the rules of womanhood is that all ex-boyfriends MUST regret breaking up with you (or, um, I dumped them... yeah, that's it) every time they see you, and any ex-hook-ups must NOT regret hooking up with you every time they see you. I don't know what's worse; an ex thinking "Thank GOD I jumped off THAT sinking ship" or an ex-hookup wondering what the hell they were thinking going "THERE". I plan to avoid both of those situations. (Just watch, all 3 don't show.)
- I didn't go to my 10-year high school reunion because I was unemployed, childless, and fat. It's been 12 years, and I'm again unemployed, childless, and fat. BUT I'm actually less fat right now (yay!), and at least I had a job in between the last high school friend's wedding 2 years ago and this one. However, there will be a lot of people from high school most likely, and I want them to remember me as being gorgeous, witty, and urbane despite my childlessness and joblessness. Yup, I'm worried about the opinions of people I never see, and will probably not see again for years (if ever).
- Most of the high school people that might be there are nerds. Have you ever been the hot girl amongst a bunch of nerds? It's like being a king (queen) among peasants. Now, I won't be the hottest girl there (that position will belong to the bride, who really is gorgeous - T, my friend, scored a hottie), but I at least want to be in the running. It's amazing how male attention changes when they think a girl is hot; I've both been on the receiving end of it AND been ignored for hotter girls. It's interesting. I prefer being on the receiving end of it.
Also, some of the girliness is TOTALLY fun. I love how my toenails look when they're painted. They're this perfect shade of pink right now that will look SO CUTE with my pale-green polka dot halter dress and white wedge sandals. So, really, I'm doing all this prep work for my own swollen ego. ;D
30 before 30: Sex vs. Love
WARNING: I talk about sexin'. No personal details or how-to's, just general opinions. So if you don't feel comfortable discussing sexy times, then move along, pardner.
Today on Twitter, Jess Fink (fabulous cartoonist behind the VERY hot and VERY NSFW Chester 5000) posted a link to a study that bisexual men do, indeed, exist. Apparently, this study was in response to a previous one last decade that claimed that men were NOT bisexual.
Now, a lot of bisexual men did not care for the last study because they were, in fact, bisexual and men and did, in fact, exist DESPITE this study. I would also be upset, I figured, but ultimately I found the study to be very "Duh-DOI".
Modern society seems to balk at the idea of "the middle" when it comes to most moral issues. It's too hard to think in shades of grey, so most people default to a clear black or white, and don't budge. I get it. The middle is hard. The middle is confusing. Grey is a murky, unclear color.
Today on Twitter, Jess Fink (fabulous cartoonist behind the VERY hot and VERY NSFW Chester 5000) posted a link to a study that bisexual men do, indeed, exist. Apparently, this study was in response to a previous one last decade that claimed that men were NOT bisexual.
Now, a lot of bisexual men did not care for the last study because they were, in fact, bisexual and men and did, in fact, exist DESPITE this study. I would also be upset, I figured, but ultimately I found the study to be very "Duh-DOI".
Modern society seems to balk at the idea of "the middle" when it comes to most moral issues. It's too hard to think in shades of grey, so most people default to a clear black or white, and don't budge. I get it. The middle is hard. The middle is confusing. Grey is a murky, unclear color.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
30 before 30: I'm too old for this sh**.
(My goal, as a way to blog more and to actually look more forward to turning 30, is to blog 30 times before my 30th birthday - which is October 14th. My general plan is to reflect on what I've learned in the past 30 years, and what I hope to change for the next 30... but I reserve the right to be superficial and flighty as well - don't want to age TOO gracefully.)
I'm noticing in the last year or so I've taken on more of an attitude that I'm "too old" to put up with certain behaviors anymore, from myself or from other people. The biggest behavior I decided to stop putting up with involves people who make me unhappy on a consistent basis. I cut out some people in the last year or so who at one point were very important people to me. I did so because I realized that their involvement in my life caused me unnecessary stress and ultimately they made me unhappy. One of these people was my own father.
I've never understood the idea of "because they're family" as being the ultimate reason why you should keep someone around who makes you miserable, especially when it's the ONLY reason anyone could quote back to me to convince me to reconcile. My relationship with my father was reflected in my relationship with men in general, in that I let boys treat me like crap because at least they were paying attention to me. I was easily guilted and made to feel worthless when ultimately I did nothing wrong and was a good person who deserved better. It took me a long time to learn being treated badly wasn't love... and it took me longer to apply that lesson to my own father. Ultimately, a person can only take so much sturm und drang, and I decided I'd had enough. I couldn't find a way to keep him in my life AND keep myself happy, so I chose to make myself happy. I chose myself over him.
As for the other people who've been removed... well, the situations weren't as extreme as the one with my father, but the feeling was the same: their involvement in my life caused me unnecessary stress and, while there were occasional moments of fun and enjoyment, ultimately they didn't add to my life in a positive way. As I grew older, I wondered why I kept them around if they don't bring me joy like others in my life do.
Unfortunately, while I have matured in realizing what I need for me to be happy, I'm still maturing in expressing or attaining my needs with minimal damage. I admit with shame and a small amount of regret (which, frankly, is rare for me - I don't regret much or often) that I didn't handle any of the dissolutions of the relationships well. Either I was too harsh and rude up-front, or cowardly and passive-aggressive by just dropping communication. Regardless of how I felt at the time about the people, they all deserved polite and respectful disclosure of why I was saying good-bye, which I never gave them - and at the time, I felt self-righteous regardless.
Well, all I can say is that I'm human, I make mistakes, what's done is done. While I regret how it transpired, I don't regret the results. I only regret how I went about things, and that I might have left those affected with a lack of closure; I know how lacking closure affects me, and I did it to other people... and I've yet to offer it belatedly, either. Frankly, though, I'm of the opinion that if they don't understand why I broke ties, then they still won't understand even if I offer an explanation.
At this time, I can say that everyone in my life, friend and family, is there by my choice, and I'm happy to have them in my life. So I made my mistakes, but I own my behavior and can only move forward learning from those mistakes. Hopefully there won't be a next time, but if there is, I think I'll have matured enough to handle it the right way.
I'm noticing in the last year or so I've taken on more of an attitude that I'm "too old" to put up with certain behaviors anymore, from myself or from other people. The biggest behavior I decided to stop putting up with involves people who make me unhappy on a consistent basis. I cut out some people in the last year or so who at one point were very important people to me. I did so because I realized that their involvement in my life caused me unnecessary stress and ultimately they made me unhappy. One of these people was my own father.
I've never understood the idea of "because they're family" as being the ultimate reason why you should keep someone around who makes you miserable, especially when it's the ONLY reason anyone could quote back to me to convince me to reconcile. My relationship with my father was reflected in my relationship with men in general, in that I let boys treat me like crap because at least they were paying attention to me. I was easily guilted and made to feel worthless when ultimately I did nothing wrong and was a good person who deserved better. It took me a long time to learn being treated badly wasn't love... and it took me longer to apply that lesson to my own father. Ultimately, a person can only take so much sturm und drang, and I decided I'd had enough. I couldn't find a way to keep him in my life AND keep myself happy, so I chose to make myself happy. I chose myself over him.
As for the other people who've been removed... well, the situations weren't as extreme as the one with my father, but the feeling was the same: their involvement in my life caused me unnecessary stress and, while there were occasional moments of fun and enjoyment, ultimately they didn't add to my life in a positive way. As I grew older, I wondered why I kept them around if they don't bring me joy like others in my life do.
Unfortunately, while I have matured in realizing what I need for me to be happy, I'm still maturing in expressing or attaining my needs with minimal damage. I admit with shame and a small amount of regret (which, frankly, is rare for me - I don't regret much or often) that I didn't handle any of the dissolutions of the relationships well. Either I was too harsh and rude up-front, or cowardly and passive-aggressive by just dropping communication. Regardless of how I felt at the time about the people, they all deserved polite and respectful disclosure of why I was saying good-bye, which I never gave them - and at the time, I felt self-righteous regardless.
Well, all I can say is that I'm human, I make mistakes, what's done is done. While I regret how it transpired, I don't regret the results. I only regret how I went about things, and that I might have left those affected with a lack of closure; I know how lacking closure affects me, and I did it to other people... and I've yet to offer it belatedly, either. Frankly, though, I'm of the opinion that if they don't understand why I broke ties, then they still won't understand even if I offer an explanation.
At this time, I can say that everyone in my life, friend and family, is there by my choice, and I'm happy to have them in my life. So I made my mistakes, but I own my behavior and can only move forward learning from those mistakes. Hopefully there won't be a next time, but if there is, I think I'll have matured enough to handle it the right way.
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