30 before 30: Cleaning up = Growing Up

The Hubs and I agreed earlier this week that this morning would be the morning we spent cleaning the apartment. He's one of those cleaners that he's gung-ho to just GET IT ALL DONE at once. I don't work that way; I like to break things up into sizable chunks, and if I spend too much time thinking about how much I have to do as a WHOLE, I get overwhelmed and panicky and shut down.

So I suggested a compromise: We spend this Sunday morning cleaning, but we only focus on the "back half" of the apartment, which constitutes the bathroom and bedroom; next Sunday we finish the apartment by doing the "front half" (kitchen, dining area, living room), and my "job" during the week would be to get the bedroom ready for the deep-clean by getting stuff organized for donations and throwing out crap. Now, in all fairness, this is probably the area of the apartment that needs the most cleaning, so he agreed that would be enough.

Not only did we deep-clean the bathroom area and bedroom, but we also re-arranged the furniture in the bedroom, too. First time in 5 years we've moved anything around. I don't even want to discuss how gross under the bed was... seriously, how we have survived this long without being eaten by dustbunnies is a miracle. I was so disgusted and annoyed with myself. Blech. (Granted, it takes two to tango, as well as mess up the bedroom, but I always blame myself first. I don't know why.) The bathroom was even worse, truth be told... the tub was pretty gross. I'll admit I was living in gross conditions, but I refuse to go into details or pictures. Just imagine the most disgusting shower/tub combo you've ever seen... we were probably about halfway there.

The Hubs attacked the bathroom while I attacked the bedroom, and about 4 hours later we came up for air with a much cleaner bathroom and a much less dusty bedroom. Plus we moved around furniture, and it looks much nicer.

Now all I need to do this week is to give the shower tiles one more scrubdown (we agreed that if it needs another working over, I'll give it a shot since The Hubs did so much work on it today), get a small night stand for my side of the bed (now that I'm not crammed against a wall), and DECORATE THE WALLS! Whooo! That's the fun part!

Follow-up to vanity post: OMG MY CRAZINESS WORKED

Ok, so if you read my last post, you know I was waaaay over-thinking and over-prepping for my friend T's wedding today.

Well, first things first, it was GORGEOUS. The bride was, like I thought she would be, the most beautiful girl in the room - and I don't say that just 'cuz she was the bride, or to call the other females in attendance ugly. We gave her a run for her money, but she was BEAUTIFUL. Great, intimate wedding with lots of love and warmth for the bride and groom.

Onto more important things: what people thought of ME. ;p So of the 3 former guys, neither of the actual exes showed up (THANK GOD), but I did see the friend whom we mutually benefitted. I wasn't terribly worried about his opinion (after all, I wasn't emotionally involved with him), but I don't think his reaction could've been any better...

He literally did a double-take, and kind of shook his head in shock, and said, "Wow, SAM?" Then gave me a big hug. (His girlfriend kind of gave me the "wary eye" after that, but she's a total babe and they're totally cute together so there's nothing to worry about on her end, obviously.)

Other high school peeps that were there were also happy to see me. One of them (a guy who I was never super-close to but we ran in the same circles and thought the other was cool) was unusually happy to see me - jumped up, gave me a big hug when I walked up, then sat next to me at the ceremony. We're catching up before the ceremony, and he made some jokes about being single and "looking for hot single ladies" at the wedding. Then he says (I SH** YOU NOT), "Of course, I have to go and sit next to the hot married lady." I joked that if a hot single lady arrived, I wouldn't be offended if he ditched me. He replies, "Nah, I'm good." He also kept leaning into me and nudging me while we talked... HE WAS TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH ME! (He was cute, too, which makes it even MORE validating! ;D)

OMG I AM TOTALLY A HOTTIE... when I wear a sexy halter dress (with a modest shrug to cover my shoulders), wedge heels, full makeup, and straighten my hair.

Meh, I'll take it. ;D It's nice to know that I am attractive when I put in the effort (and said effort makes me FEEL hot and sexy). T and D (both guy friends) also told me I looked pretty today, which was nice.

Of course, now I just have to not let this one day of optimum hotness go to my head. ;p I mean, it totally has, but now I have to ACT like it hasn't.

30 before 30: The ridiculousness of vanity

Tomorrow is the wedding of a friend from high school. I'm not the bride, I'm not in the wedding, I'm simply a guest.

By the time we leave for the wedding Saturday morning, I will have done the following to prepare:

• 3 different methods of hair removal on 4 different areas of the body
• painted my fingernails and toenails
• ironed my dress, and shoved myself into Spanx and a strapless bra
• Blow-dried my hair
• put on a full face of makeup

Comparatively, this is the prep The Hubs will need to do:

• Shaved face other than goatee
• Iron his shirt (which I'm actually doing, which is fine)
• shower, comb hair

Guys suck.

Of course, I don't HAVE to do about 95% of what I'm doing to prep for this wedding. After all, it's not MY wedding, I'm just going to watch my friend get married! So why am I going to all this trouble?

Well, let me offer a peek into the way my insane little mind works as to WHY all this effort needs to be made:

1. This particular high school friend is part of a group that includes no less than 3 gentlemen who have known me in a more than friendly way (If I wasn't a teacher, I would put that in SUCH a more ribald way, damn my public status) that are possibly also guests. 2 of those 3 are guys who I actually had feelings for. One of the rules of womanhood is that all ex-boyfriends MUST regret breaking up with you (or, um, I dumped them... yeah, that's it) every time they see you, and any ex-hook-ups must NOT regret hooking up with you every time they see you. I don't know what's worse; an ex thinking "Thank GOD I jumped off THAT sinking ship" or an ex-hookup wondering what the hell they were thinking going "THERE". I plan to avoid both of those situations. (Just watch, all 3 don't show.)
2. I didn't go to my 10-year high school reunion because I was unemployed, childless, and fat. It's been 12 years, and I'm again unemployed, childless, and fat. BUT I'm actually less fat right now (yay!), and at least I had a job in between the last high school friend's wedding 2 years ago and this one. However, there will be a lot of people from high school most likely, and I want them to remember me as being gorgeous, witty, and urbane despite my childlessness and joblessness. Yup, I'm worried about the opinions of people I never see, and will probably not see again for years (if ever). 
3. Most of the high school people that might be there are nerds. Have you ever been the hot girl amongst a bunch of nerds? It's like being a king (queen) among peasants. Now, I won't be the hottest girl there (that position will belong to the bride, who really is gorgeous - T, my friend, scored a hottie), but I at least want to be in the running. It's amazing how male attention changes when they think a girl is hot; I've both been on the receiving end of it AND been ignored for hotter girls. It's interesting. I prefer being on the receiving end of it. 

Yes, these are all completely ridiculous things. The only thing I can control right now in my life is my outside, and when I feel like I look good, my attitude and confidence get the necessary boost that makes me a whole lot more fun to be around. I'm not even meaning this entry as a complaining entry, I just want to point out my own ridiculousness to show you all that I TOTALLY get how insane I am.

Also, some of the girliness is TOTALLY fun. I love how my toenails look when they're painted. They're this perfect shade of pink right now that will look SO CUTE with my pale-green polka dot halter dress and white wedge sandals. So, really, I'm doing all this prep work for my own swollen ego. ;D

30 before 30: Sex vs. Love

WARNING: I talk about sexin'. No personal details or how-to's, just general opinions. So if you don't feel comfortable discussing sexy times, then move along, pardner.

Today on Twitter, Jess Fink (fabulous cartoonist behind the VERY hot and VERY NSFW Chester 5000) posted a link to a study that bisexual men do, indeed, exist. Apparently, this study was in response to a previous one last decade that claimed that men were NOT bisexual.

Now, a lot of bisexual men did not care for the last study because they were, in fact, bisexual and men and did, in fact, exist DESPITE this study. I would also be upset, I figured, but ultimately I found the study to be very "Duh-DOI".

Modern society seems to balk at the idea of "the middle" when it comes to most moral issues. It's too hard to think in shades of grey, so most people default to a clear black or white, and don't budge. I get it. The middle is hard. The middle is confusing. Grey is a murky, unclear color.

30 before 30: I'm too old for this sh**.

(My goal, as a way to blog more and to actually look more forward to turning 30, is to blog 30 times before my 30th birthday - which is October 14th. My general plan is to reflect on what I've learned in the past 30 years, and what I hope to change for the next 30... but I reserve the right to be superficial and flighty as well - don't want to age TOO gracefully.)

I'm noticing in the last year or so I've taken on more of an attitude that I'm "too old" to put up with certain behaviors anymore, from myself or from other people. The biggest behavior I decided to stop putting up with involves people who make me unhappy on a consistent basis. I cut out some people in the last year or so who at one point were very important people to me. I did so because I realized that their involvement in my life caused me unnecessary stress and ultimately they made me unhappy. One of these people was my own father.

I've never understood the idea of "because they're family" as being the ultimate reason why you should keep someone around who makes you miserable, especially when it's the ONLY reason anyone could quote back to me to convince me to reconcile. My relationship with my father was reflected in my relationship with men in general, in that I let boys treat me like crap because at least they were paying attention to me. I was easily guilted and made to feel worthless when ultimately I did nothing wrong and was a good person who deserved better. It took me a long time to learn being treated badly wasn't love... and it took me longer to apply that lesson to my own father. Ultimately, a person can only take so much sturm und drang, and I decided I'd had enough. I couldn't find a way to keep him in my life AND keep myself happy, so I chose to make myself happy. I chose myself over him.

As for the other people who've been removed... well, the situations weren't as extreme as the one with my father, but the feeling was the same: their involvement in my life caused me unnecessary stress and, while there were occasional moments of fun and enjoyment, ultimately they didn't add to my life in a positive way. As I grew older, I wondered why I kept them around if they don't bring me joy like others in my life do.

Unfortunately, while I have matured in realizing what I need for me to be happy, I'm still maturing in expressing or attaining my needs with minimal damage. I admit with shame and a small amount of regret (which, frankly, is rare for me - I don't regret much or often) that I didn't handle any of the dissolutions of the relationships well. Either I was too harsh and rude up-front, or cowardly and passive-aggressive by just dropping communication. Regardless of how I felt at the time about the people, they all deserved polite and respectful disclosure of why I was saying good-bye, which I never gave them - and at the time, I felt self-righteous regardless.

Well, all I can say is that I'm human, I make mistakes, what's done is done. While I regret how it transpired, I don't regret the results. I only regret how I went about things, and that I might have left those affected with a lack of closure; I know how lacking closure affects me, and I did it to other people... and I've yet to offer it belatedly, either. Frankly, though, I'm of the opinion that if they don't understand why I broke ties, then they still won't understand even if I offer an explanation.

At this time, I can say that everyone in my life, friend and family, is there by my choice, and I'm happy to have them in my life. So I made my mistakes, but I own my behavior and can only move forward learning from those mistakes. Hopefully there won't be a next time, but if there is, I think I'll have matured enough to handle it the right way.

30 before 30: Feeling OLD - not my age, OLD

So for all my claims of OMG 30 I'M SO OLD, it's mostly a case of "she doth protest too much". (Mostly.) I'm upset about turning 30 mainly because there's a mental checklist that is still missing a huge number of checks, and that's what upsets me more than the actual getting "older" part.

As by now I've probably established that I am a vain emmeffer, I'm not too worried about the looking older part. A bonus of being of mixed ethnic heritage is that I've managed to inherit that lovely oily Mexican skin - bad for zits (which I've mostly outgrown by now), good for preventing wrinkles! I also have the weird blessing of never looking quite my age - when I was a teenager, I was often mistaken for being in my 20's, and when I've worked at high schools now in my mid-to-late 20's, I've been mistaken for a student when not wearing my "teacher clothes". This is even with a handful of gray hairs that have been growing in regularly since my teens! But the "sparklies" (as my mom calls the gray hairs) don't even bug me that much.

But this week, I had my first experience of where I felt OLD, aside from the whole being called "Ma'am" annoyance.

First, back-story. If you've seen my Twitter avatar, the one before the most recent choice was me in glasses. These were 10-year-old reading glasses that I only used occasionally - when I first got them, they were too STRONG and while the words were bigger, they made my head hurt after a while, so I never really got in the habit of using them. In the last few years, I pop them on for shoots and giggles or if I'm working on something that requires me seeing very tiny details well... and as of late, they haven't been that helpful, but they also stopped giving me headaches, so I figured it was just natural aging. Other than that, I don't wear glasses.

When I was in high school, my anatomy class taught us how to test our vision, and I found out I had 20/13 - I saw from 20 feet away what normal people saw at 13 feet. About 3 years ago, a re-test showed that my far-away vision had degenerated to 20/17. Still pretty good, and again, must just be natural aging!

This week, my friend J., who hired me to help him out here and there this summer while I've been unemployed, and I were driving home from work together when he switched his sunglasses to his regular glasses. He'd mentioned before that his prescription sunglasses were insanely dark-tinted, so I asked if I could try them on to see how much darker they made everything, and he handed them to me.

I pop them on, and not only do I not get an insta-headache, but everything looks sharper and more clear.

I take them off, and double-check that J. wears prescription sunglasses. He assures me that yes, they are prescription. I put them on again, and it's like I'm watching a high-def movie, and I can literally feel my eyes re-adjusting to the new vision. I try on his regular glasses, and same thing happens.

J. was laughing his head off at my reactions; I'm sure I looked like a monkey doing algebra as I tried to put two and two together. Apparently, I still didn't get it because J. states the obvious: "You need GLASSES."

This is still really weird to me - I feel like I see fine, it's just not as sharp as it used to be, and I assumed that this was what 20/20 vision was like. But the difference between my "normal" vision and J's glasses was pretty astounding. I mean, I'm not Mr. Magoo or anything here, but it's still a shock! Not that it's totally unexpected - my dad and my brother have each worn glasses since they were kids, and were also far-sighted. My mom has also been wearing non-prescription reading glasses for years. So obviously this was bound to happen, I just... I'm flabbergasted!

J said that he discovered he needed glasses the same way I did, and several other glass-wearers have confirmed that the same scenario clued them in as well, so at least I'm not a total moron. BUT now I'm thinking... what will it be like to wear glasses ALL THE TIME? I've never worn them for more than a few minutes at a time! How will I look? Do boys, in fact, not make passes at girls who wear glasses? ;p

Well, obviously, I have an idea of how I look in glasses, as I mentioned earlier:

I call this my "Liz Lemon" look

I'm still tripping out that this might be what I look like ALL THE TIME SOON. Of course, I have to wait to get insured again before I can actually know for sure if I need them, but it's still a trip to realize.

And it really proves that when you get older, your body really does degenerate. UGH. THAT'S why this new development makes me feel older: stone cold evidence of my body falling apart. ;p

30 before 30: Superficial much?

Soooo... hi!


I know, I never blog on here. For one thing, I feel like this blog should stick SOLELY to "the art of housewifery", but, well, I'm kind of a crap housewife! I don't have that many useful tips to add to the proceedings. (Although I AM actually working on some tutorials that I think will be awesome!) Hell, I need more help than anyone. 


So I think I'm going to just blog what I feel like as it relates to my life - I am a housewife of sorts, and this blog is about what a hot mess I am. My goal is to blog at least 30 times before I turn 30, which is October 14th. I'm giving myself free rein to blog what I feel like bloggin', as long as it relates to my life and my experience as a woman trying to be modern, mature, and domestic. 

So, onto the actual entry:

I have become a big ol' girly-girl as of late. As I've mentioned before, I got lazy about my looks and dressing well in college, and since The Hubs thinks I'm cute when I'm makeup-free and in a tee and jeans, I figured, what's the point?

Well, for the last year or so, I realized that I'M the point. I'M worth being cute. As Ryan Gosling's character says to Steve Carrell's in "Crazy, Stupid, Love", "Be better than The Gap." I take that as a simpler way to say, "Think higher of yourself, and dress accordingly."(I have no problem with the Gap as a store.)

Now, I'm not saying that I've started adorning myself in high-end labels and piling on heavy layers of expensive makeup, which to ME was what I associated as being "girly-girl". I mean, I know how to do my face up nice; I read women's magazines religiously as a teenager, and I remember every tip and trick. (Studying theater make-up in college doesn't hurt, either. ;p) BUT doing my hair and a full face and then heels and uncomfortable clothes just didn't sound worth it to me, even with the idea of valuing myself higher.

So I've found my own comfort level, my own compromise between "glamazon" and "tomboy", when it comes to my day-to-day look. Clothes-wise, I still wear jeans (or shorts), but my t-shirts are not unisex anymore - they're specifically bought from the women's section and made to flatter my shape more. I also have no problem switching it up with leggings (or jeggings) and a cute top/ mini-dress. The shoes are cute flats or strappy sandals. As for the face, I wear makeup that looks like I'm not wearing makeup, so I feel like I'm a slightly-more-polished version of my own actual face. Again, occasionally I'll do up my eyes with a more colorful shadow palette, but overall my makeup routine stays relatively simple.

Best part? Takes me 15 minutes tops, hair AND makeup. Not. Even. Kidding. I've got it down to a science.

You want to know my makeup routine? Of course you do. Who DOESN'T want to have a natural-looking-but-better face in less than 10 minutes?
Products needed:
- a warm peach-tone blush (Mine is by NYC); if you're pale, you might want an actual eyeshadow that's closer to your skintone, bb. I recommend ivory or butter for pale skin.
- brown eyeliner (Wet n' Wild, baby!)
- a taupe/light brown eyeshadow (mine is part of a duo from Clinique that is, like, YEARS old)
- your preferred mascara (I keep it old-school with Maybelline Great Lash)
- Tinted moisturizer as close to your skin tone as possible. This is where I splurge on the good stuff - your skin should be where you spend the money when it comes to makeup, IMHO. Ya need a properly primed canvas if you want the painting to stand out, amirite? I use LORAC.**
- tinted lip balm. I totally scored these $2 ones at SaveMart that smell like peppermint and look good on me - I bought one of every color. $2!

Tools:
- an eyeshadow brush (I like this one from e.l.f.)
- a blending brush (You should have this no matter what. Again, I buy cheap stuff from e.l.f.)
- your fingers. Seriously. That's it.

The "Before" (I assure you I am wearing a towel on my body as well). No makeup, fresh out of the shower!

How to do it:
Eyes  - This'll be the one that takes some time, but it's also where you want the most attention if you have beautiful eyes, dammit. I have beautiful eyes, dammit, so attention must be paid. ;D

See the red circle? That's the "crease". Put the brown shadow there.

1. Sweep peach blush over your entire upper eyelid, including the browbone. 
2. Put the taupe eyeshadow on the edge of your brush, the sweep the crease of your eyelid. As gross as it sounds (if you're one of those people who get weird about eyeballs), you basically want to follow the top of your eyeball, like as if the brush was resting on it and rolling back and forth dispersing the eyeshadow. 
3. Lightly brush your blending brush over entire eyelid to soften your eyeshadow.
4. Line the outer third of your upper eyelid with the brown eyeliner. You want a thin line, so apply it like you're trying to color in the roots of your eyelashes (a great tip I read). Then smudge it with your fingertip so it's not so harsh. 
5. Apply mascara to JUST THE OUTER THIRD of your lashes, one good swipe is plenty. Remember, we're going for "natural" here, not "drag queen". "Drag queen" is for going out at night ONLY.

 Face - 

1. Apply tinted moisturizer with your fingers all over your face and into the top of your neck. SERIOUSLY. BLEND IT INTO YOUR NECK. You don't want the dreaded "brown jaw" from forgetting to blend the makeup PAST your jaw. Make sure to overlap slightly in different areas via blending. I cannot stress how important blending is, seriously.

Lips - 

1. Apply tinted lip balm.   

That's it. Seriously.

Ta-da! Full face makeup, but not overly made up.

Now, I'm not claiming that I am OMG SO MUCH MORE GORGEOUS with this routine, but it's enough to make me feel a little more gussied up and polished. Like I'm taking what (insert deity of choice here) gave me and adding a nice glossy coat to ensure it looks its best.

**Alternately, I also use Almay's Smart Shade Smart Balance foundation when I can't afford the REALLY good stuff - and I'm a little in love with it. It's heavier than tinted moisturizer, but still offers sheer coverage, plus it really does blend in to match your skin (LOOOOVE IT) and evens out my uneven coloring while covering my redder areas. It's also cheaper. BUT you need to take the extra step of moisturizing, which is a strike against it on principle of "easy makeup application"; it also dries hella fast, so you have to apply and BLENDBLENDBLENDOMGBLENDGODDAMMIT, which is why I ultimately prefer tinted moisturizer. Still, I'm out of LORAC right now (and can't afford more), and happily using Almay in the meantime (and in the "after" picture). Just throwing it out there if you want a slightly heavier base.