Summer projects 2012

Ok, first off, holy crap HOW IS IT JUNE ALREADY?

It feels like the year is flying by, and I still can't believe how fast it went. Is that just a thing as one gets older, we lose all sense of time? Or do the days just stretch out so long that we lose sight of them until they've passed and accrued into months and years?

Anyway, I'm not here to wax poetic, I'm here to plan projects. Main reason being right now I have very little coming up, job postings are already drying up *sigh*, and I need SOMETHING to distract me other than daily housework. Seriously, I suck as a housewife - I'm getting better, but man oh man it's a chore to make me do chores. Yet when I re-purpose the idea as a "project", it somehow gets done. *shrug* Don't know how or why, but I'm going to run with it.

Last summer my project was decorating our living room, dining area, and bedroom walls. This wasn't too much fancy stuff, just lots of framing free artwork from the internets, personal pictures, and hanging my own canvas/shadowbox collages to dress up the joint. Whatever, it worked, I was able to do it for relatively cheap, and it really added motivation to keeping our home cleaner for both The Hubs and myself, because we finally LIKED where we lived and wanted to keep it looking pretty.

So aside from finding a job, what else can I do to occupy my time so I feel I have worth and don't go insane? Well, I finally figured out what I wanted to work on, and it's actually two things that should be relatively cheap and fun to do as well!

Project #1: Get the pantry/kitchen in order.

You guys, our pantry is a disaster. Like, there are designated shelves for stuff, but it's still packed with crap because when I think of "cleaning", the one area I rarely consider is the pantry. So there's near-empty boxes of stale crackers and spices I used once that we need to get rid of, like, YESTERDAY. Then I would like to find an organization system to get the pantry in order... I'm still debating if the pantry will stay a pantry for goods, or change it over to housing pots/pans/plates, or a mixture of the two. We have a TINY kitchen, where counter space is at a premium, and I have an awful lot of stuff that needs to be stored SOMEWHERE that our tiny cabinets can't quite house. Switching out the pantry and cabinet functions (even if it's just a couple) might be just the way to go... I dunno, still deciding. So here's the plan for dealing with the pantry:

1. Purge. Throw out the expired/stale/carbs-I-can't-eat-anyway crap out!
2.  Decide on organization and designate. Ultimately, I want each shelf to have a specific purpose, and the best way to go would be to use the open-the-door-THERE-IT-IS visibility of our big pantry (Which, seriously, was one of the major things that made me go OMG THIS APARTMENT IS PERFECT, it's RARE to have such a large closet/pantry in one bedrooms where I'm from). Once I get it purged, I think it'll be clear to me what I should do with it, and I'm thinking that most likely it'll be turned into more of a storage space for pots/tupperware than for spices/food. Might serve my tiny kitchen space better. I'll update as I work on it!

Project #2: Decorate some more!

Yes, there is still more decorating I want to do. Not a ton, but it's something to do that will make me happy.

The funny thing is that the reason we didn't decorate for so long is that for most of my life, I've moved around. I'm not an army brat, but I am a child of 3 divorces. The longest I've lived somewhere since I was 10 was 3 years... until The Hubs and I moved in together. We've been in our apartment almost 6 years now... but it took almost 5 for me to realize that we should FINALLY decorate! We're hoping to move in the next year or two, but since we'll most likely be here for a little while longer, might as well finish the decorating job.

There's not a lot I want/need to do. Only two projects, really.

1. The big blank wall in the living room - in my decorating spree last summer, the only thing I could not figure out was what the hell to do with the shared wall between the apartments. It's just this big blank space, and it stymied me. I think I have an idea that would work:

   

   Click the link to go to the site!

   Obviously my version will not be for a nursery, nor am I decorating with an adorable baby girl. (At least not yet ;D.) But this would be a cute way to fill up a lot of the empty space without overwhelming the living room, I think! Not to mention it's certainly reasonable, cost-wise. I'll use fabrics in browns, soft pinks, and pale yellows with soft gold-painted letters.
2. The Dining table - I've had this project in my head forever and I've got all the pieces to complete it, but I just haven't gotten around to it. My table is this fabulous 50's-diner style piece that I loooove, but I've been wanting to make it nice so we're not tempted to use it as a storage piece as we tend to do. (Us eat at the table? Whaaaa?). So I want to slap a tablecloth on it (a nice white cotton one, simple) that I might need to make myself 'cuz the dimensions of the table are weird. Then I want to finish my cute table runner that I'm making out of dollar-store dishtowels (seriously, it'll be SUPER-cute and so easy), and a centerpiece out of this awesome thrift store bowl I bought that looks like a lemon cut in half with white paper flowers and fake lemons I found. Since my kitchen/dining room decor is lemon/lime with turquoise and silver accents, it'll look SO CUTE. Plus maybe it'll make us eat at the table more often! :D

I also want to finish overhauling this cute straw-like handbag I have that was given to me by a friend who didn't want it - I meant to finish it last summer, and I got as far as fixing some torn seams. I'd like to add some bright yellow and orange fabric flowers to it to dress it up.

Figuring out my summer projects actually makes me happy and really excited for the summer, which is a nice change from the dread I usually experience. ;) It'll be a good distraction that benefits more than myself. Plus it'll give me something to blog about! Yays all around!

The Good Things

When one is in the depths of a depression episode, it's not always easy to recognize the good things that are happening. Sometimes it's because those good things seem few and far between, sometimes it's because they ARE few and far between, and sometimes you're just so mired in your own stupid BS that you can't shake yourself out of it enough to see 2 inches in front of you.

Before anyone reading this worries too much, I'm doing ok. My mind is a little depressed, yes, and very anxiou as well, but that's to be expected with me with the onset of the summer - the summer is no longer fun for this oft-unemployed teacher, as it represents financial stress, dashed hopes, and failure. Job hunting sucks, but it sucks even more when your career's job hunt takes place in a 5-month span, and if you don't get a job then you're basically SOL for the next 7 (at least in the career field).

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS ENTRY. Really. It's not. I swear! I hate bemoaning my sadnesses in journal posts - I spent my late teens and most of my 20's doing that, and UGH I'm so bored of it, I can't imagine how boring they are to read. I mention why summers make me a little depressed/anxious so that I can sloppily tie it in to how great my summer kicked off this weekend. :)

My first homemade fruit salad! Watermelon, strawberries, red grapes, and both white and yellow peaches. Yes, it was delish!

What made it so great?

• Sushi date w/ The Hubs - a rare treat. He treated me to the dinner, then I treated him to Big Spoon Yogurt (a local chain of those make-your-own fro-yo places where they have crazy amounts of toppings and you pay by the ounce)! I discovered that Capt'n Crunch cereal is an AMAZING mix-in - it doesn't get soggy!
• Saturday morning at the Farmer's Market, buying those luscious strawberries and peaches as well as some sweet-tart Rainier cherries. The nut guy also had the cheddar-onion pistachios back in stock, so that was a nice treat as well!
• Saturday evening watching "Haywire" and playing Fluxx with our friends the S's - it forced us to clean the house, which took maybe an hour 'cuz we've been keeping it up fairly well still (which is so big for us, we're so grown up now! ;D). I made teriyaki pork in the slow-cooker, which we ate over jasmine rice instead of on buns, and everyone LOVED it. We nibbled cherries as we played our game, then had ice cream the S's brought over for dessert. It was a wonderful evening with wonderful people. =D
• Sunday day-date with The Hubs, a great cheap one - We took Daisy for a longer walk than usual around the neighborhood, then went to the mall together where he indulged my window-shopping and even treated me to a small jar Yankee Candle (as they were having a sale, so it was actually reasonably priced - I got Beach Walk scent, which smells AMAZING btw). We had a late lunch at Sbarro's in the food court. Sunday night was made even better by the fact that it's when "my stories" are on ("Game of Thrones" and "Mad Men" - they both end soon, BOOOO) AND the fact that The Hubs had Monday off, so it felt like Saturday night. 
• Last but certainly not least, The S's had invited us to their little family BBQ for Memorial Day, which is what the fruit salad was for. We've spent time with them and their families before, so it was fun and comfortable. They also shot some BB guns, which means I got more practice as well. I'm a mean shot! It was a great way to end a fantastic weekend. 

So while I only partially mean to brag ;D, I'm writing this here to remind me that there are certain areas of our life that aren't as great as they could be, but there are just as many areas that are kicking a whole lot of butt (in the good way). It's good to put it in writing to prove it to yourself, don't you think?

Considering we've got a trip coming up (Oregon coast, baby!) to celebrate our 5-year wedding anniversary, and are also planning a camping trip with friends, not to mention weekends of swimming and BBQing that typically happen during the summer with friends and family, maybe this summer will kick away the negative connotation it's developed for me and return the nostalgia and romance of this warm, sultry season to my life.

It's definitely a possibility.  :)

Waiting and Fighting the Green Monster

I haven't posted much because I've been thinking too much. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's one of those things where it feels lame to do nothing but navel-gaze when I try to keep this blog somewhat light and flip.

I'm in another "waiting" period. The temp work has ran out, and what I've started to refer to as "hunting season" is kicking in again. "Hunting season" being teaching positions opening up... slowly but surely. I've decided to attack it from a more active angle than before, like revising and customizing my cover letters when needed and trying to form some generic learning units that can be modified easily so if I get hired at the last minute yet again I have SOMEWHERE to start from. It's admittedly hard to overcome the fear of rejection, though... Like I almost don't want to bother because it's just going to be like last year, right? BUT I really don't think it will be if I put my best foot forward. I already had one job interview for a summer camp teaching position, and I feel like it went well. Even if I don't get the job, it at least helped me get my feet wet again.

It's not just job stuff I'm waiting on, either. I'm treating my medical stuff, and one of the things we have to wait for with this treatment is if it'll help me with my fertility. (That's not the main issue, but it's all related in its own weird way.) So now I sit and wait... then I will have to sit and wait when we see if the initial plan worked. If it doesn't, then we look to something else. But, again, this is so frustrating because I have to wait to see if I all it took was some medicine to help boost my fertility (amongst other things), or if we need to take increasingly drastic measures. This is on top of no less than FOUR people in my life who have babies on the way, which is hard to watch. It makes me feel like a bad person, because they have something I want so badly that I fear I might not be able to have AT ALL (at least naturally), and it came so easily for all of them (or so it seems, I obviously don't know and it's not my business, either). My jealousy seethes, and I hate myself for it.

I don't like when what I call "the green monster" shows up. I don't consider myself a jealous person, and yet I'm experiencing it a lot lately. Same with the job stuff, truth be told - I don't envy EVERYONE with a job, but I do envy those I know in the teaching profession who have been in it the same amount of time who have been able to maintain steady work. Even when I know it came with its own stresses (i.e., pink-slipped every year and hoping they got their job back), the green monster doesn't recognize that because I also got pink-slipped and wasn't as lucky. It hurts. My heart physically hurts, yet I know it's wrong to resent people for things beyond my control... but I do. I go through these periods where I resent people that I like, admire, or even downright love like brothers and sisters, and I feel awful. At the same time, though, when they experience success I also feel incredibly happy for them. Usually the happiness edges out the envy, but not by much some days.

I know part of this stems from Millenial-generation entitlement; "I did everything I was supposed to, where's my reward?" So I'm trying to shake it, but I'm human and I fail. For all my moments of mopey "Woe is me, my life's so hard", there are almost as many moments of "It could be a LOT worse, and there's a lot of greatness around me as well". I just have a pessimistic attitude more often than I'd like. But when I'm in the throes of such negative thinking, I don't really want to spread my bad attitude around - even viral via a blog.

Everything will work out as it's supposed to, even if it's not what I thought I wanted. My life has resulted in this point because it's where I'm supposed to be, even if I don't like it. I'm going to control what I can, and hopefully I will find peace in that.

I'll be ok.

I miss cake.

So I've alluded to having health issues, but being so secretive makes it sound worse than it is. It's a combination of issues, nothing that's killing me unless I ignore it, and they all affect the others so YAY. I'm on 3 different meds, which is kind of weird, and I've GOT to change my doctor because my current one is lame. (Seriously, 2 hours PAST my appt. time before I even see her, and she's not even that informative when she told me what was wrong with me.)

The easiest way to solve my issues (aside from meds) are to eat better and avoid certain foods. Not just foods that are bad for you, like obviously junk foods, but certain foods that affect my health negatively short-term as well. I just can't eat certain foods anymore without it making me nauseous and head-achey; I can feel the effects after about 15 minutes, so I've had to basically cut those foods out. It's not the WORST thing ever, but sometimes... I miss them. I'm learning my lesson, though, 'cuz as I've adjusted to what I can and can't eat, I've given in to the resentment, like, "Screw you, body, I want cake and I'm gonna eat it!" Then I eat it and feel like ARSE for hours. UGH. I'm lucky, though, in that I can still eat a lot of what I like as long as I leave out some things or eat smaller portions of it. Like I can eat A potato, or a handful of fries... but it shouldn't go beyond that. Plus as my eating has adjusted, my eating habits have adjusted as well, which is resulting in a little weight loss... which I appreciate. The next step is to become even more healthy in eating, and less junk-eating. We eat from home a lot more, which is good... but it sucks 'cuz when I'm actually IN a hurry and need to eat on the run, my options are super-limited. UGH. LAME. I do try to plan ahead so I'm not stuck in this situation, 'cuz it SUCKS.

But if I may navel-gaze a moment and bemoan my situation a little, I want to have an In Memoriam for all the awesome food I must give up (*insert sad music playing as we pay tribute and clap politely*):

 

There's more, but those are my favorites.  I'm really gonna miss those guys... we had such good times together. *sniffle* But they make me feel gross and pained, so I have to say goodbye. 

If any of you love me enough, you'll record yourselves eating these things while enjoying them immensely. Seriously, all I do is stare at Pinterest pins of delicious foods I can't eat anymore. It's more erotic than porn! Hahaha. 

In all seriousness, though, I'm making my peace with it, slowly but surely. For example, some things I can have in small amounts, like a couple slices of THIN-crust pizza doesn't make me feel awful, thank GOD, so I can still quench the urge when needed. And if cutting out these foods makes me feel better in the long run, and help my body get better for other things I hope it can do, then it'll be worth it. =)

A Moment of Happy

Having just come out of a few weeks of crazy/stress/spiritual ugliness (my own), it's so nice to sit here, watching "Troop Beverly Hills" (LOVE that movie), with a warm, sweet dog snoozing in my lap. Said sweet dog pictured below.

What's making me feel so warm and fuzzy? Realizing that, despite the last few weeks trying to convince me otherwise, my life is full of good things. When I'm stressed and unhappy, I forget those things - as do most people, I assume. Today was just a good, good day. Good food, good friends (in person and on the phone), and good times watching good (and so-AWFUL-they're-good) movies.

Today was a good day. Tomorrow promises to be just as good. I just like to take notice of these happy feelings when they happen, so I don't always fall into that trap of negativity to which I can easily succumb.